Runaways
by Liv-x-Case-Benson
Summary: Alt. end to 5.04 'Loss' - Caught in Zapata's sights, Alex is asked to lay low, only to find out something she would've never guessed about Olivia. From that moment, their lives are turned upside down. Can they make them right again? T-M
1. Nowhere to Hide

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 1: Nowhere to Hide**

"Olivia, think about what you'd be doing! You're a great detective! I don't want you to throw all of the away for nothing!" Alex said. Instead of going out for drinks, Olivia opted to bring Alex to her house for the night. "They just want me to lay low for a while, maybe get out of town."

Olivia sat next to her. "You think that's going to stop him from looking for the person he threatened to kill? They've killed for less, Alex!"

"It doesn't involve you, Olivia. It's my decision to go away. You shouldn't have to as well."

Olivia looked at her. "It does too involve me, Alex! If you're leaving and I can't get a hold of you, that's a big problem for me! And I didn't ask for your permission!"

"So…you're just going to up and leave, just like that, with no explanation? That's what they want me to do, for, God only knows, how long! You can't give up such a big part of your life…not for me."

"You mean a lot to me," Olivia said, grabbing her hand, "more than I've ever wanted to let on."

Alex smiled. "Yeah, but…helping people, catching the bad guys…that's your life."

She looked at her nervously. "..No, it's not, not entirely."

Alex raised a brow. "Really? What else is there?"

"Well, there's…you."

"Me?" she asked, suddenly coming to a realization. "..Are you…are you in love with me?"

Olivia looked away, blushing. "I-if I am…does that…bother you?"

She shook her head. "No, but is that why you want to come with me?"

"Well, isn't that enough of a reason? And to want to keep you safe."

Alex's eyes narrowed. "It is but—"

"—But I just made an idiot of myself for that confession and now you hate me for it?" she stood, walking into the kitchen.

Alex was left on her own, for a bit, pondering. Olivia had always seemed to protect her more than anyone else on the SVU squad and she'd never given her looks for wearing short skirts or tried to look up them while picking something up from the floor—that she knew of anyway. Olivia had always been very…elegant and professional toward her. She never would've thought Olivia had those feelings, but the real question was, did she feel that way?

She stood up, walking into the kitchen and seeing Olivia facing the sink. She walked over, standing beside her, placing her hand over Olivia's on the cold metal. "Olivia."

She pulled her hand away and kept silent. She knew it'd been an idiotic, childish move, looking like she was trying to make Alex stay when her life was at risk. Or that was how it would've looked had Olivia not said she was going with her. "I just…I want to keep you safe because you deserve to be. I know I shouldn't have said that, especially when I know you're straight, but…I couldn't help it. I'm not trying to make you stay and I understand that you have to go, but I want to go with you."

Alex sighed. "Olivia, do you want to protect me or do you just not want to see me with someone else?"

"Why does that matter? It's not like you feel the same."

"Just answer…please?"

She turned to face her. "Both. I-I'm sorry I brought it up. But someone so perfect would never love someone like me."

Alex took a step closer, smiling. "I never said I didn't want you there."

"But you…you told me to think about what I was doing."

"Yes, I did, but only because I want to be sure you're sure of getting into this. It's going to be a monumental change…from you to us."

Olivia's jaw hung. "D-did you just say…? Alex, don't play games. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to tell anyone."

Alex stepped closer, stroking her hung jaw gently. "No one knows me as well as they think. But are you willing to go there just to be with me?"

Olivia nodded. "But what am I going to tell everyone?"

Alex wrapped her warm arms around her. "I'll tell them."

"So…are you…?"

"Am I what? In love with you? I don't know yet. But I am…leaning toward it, yes."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think? I needed something new to play with.

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	2. For Love or Life

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 2: For Love or Life**

That had been two months ago. When Alex had walked in to explain to Captain Craigen, she made a valid argument that she needed someone with her in case things got dicey, as both Valez and Zapata were crafty enough to escape police custody.

Olivia had been adamant, holding her ground and not backing down. Though she would miss the job terribly, Alex meant more to her and she was confident it wouldn't be forever.

Elliot had taken the news hard, as had been expected, but – when he pulled Olivia aside – he said he'd had a feeling about the two of them for years and understood where she was coming from. _"Hey," he'd said with a cheesy grin, "when you get settled, at least tell me you're okay." _

_She'd nodded in agreement. "It won't be forever," she promised, hugging him tight. "Don't forget about me." _

_He'd pulled back. "Never."_

Olivia sighed. Everything had changed so...suddenly. Alex (who had taken on the name Emily Banks) had been working at a law firm for a month and Olivia had taken a job at the precinct in Wisconsin. The town they were in was small enough that no one would bother to look or think about. Though there was no Special Victims squad, with a call to Cragen, and checking her records, Olivia was placed at a head desk, dealing in happenings of the sort. Sure, there were rape cases, abandonment, and neglect, the squad just wasn't big enough to deal with them.

No one had the experience to deal with it, despite the captain being a woman. Once again, Olivia was placed within a sea of testosterone, but it didn't bother her.

They didn't see each other nearly as much, but they were used to it now. Olivia looked at the clock, seeing it was about noon and the others were breaking for lunch. She pulled out her phone, dialing the number.

"Emily," she answered tiredly.

"Hey, it's me. How about lunch?"

She smiled. "Sure. I'll come grab you, okay?"

"All right."

Ten minutes later she walked in, dressed in a red shirt, black jacket and slacks. "Olivia?" she asked with a smile.

Olivia walked out of the captain's office, followed by a woman with short red hair and blue eyes, dressed in a uniform. She was a little taller than Olivia, with a slender, yet firm build as well as a way about her and, though her face showed her wise beyond her years, Alex guessed she could've been younger than her. "Ah, Emily," Olivia said with a smile.

She raised a brow.

"Oh, this is Captain Anita Rose," Olivia introduced. "This is my friend, Emily Banks."

Captain Rose smiled. "Pleasure to meet you," she said shaking her hand.

Alex nodded. "Me too."

Olivia smiled. "So Em, where do you want to go for lunch?"

She shrugged. "We could go home for a bit?"

"Perfect," she said, walking to her desk and dawning her jacket before walking back and hooking her arm. "Shall we?"

Alex nodded. "Nice to have met you."

"You too."

Once they were out of the building, Alex looked at her oddly. "Does she...like you or something?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, she's married, but that was my first question too."

"If she asked what would you say?" Alex asked as they got into the car.

"I would say I was involved. What about you?"

"I would too. It's not like I don't get a hundred offers a day."

Olivia sighed. "Yeah, so do I. Makes me miss New York. At least there the guys know I'm not interested."

Alex cocked her head to the side. "Really? I never knew you told anybody."

She sighed. "I didn't, but Elliot figured it out."

"Figures he would."

"Hey, uh, would you like me to take you out tonight?"

"Out?" Alex repeated. "Like a date?"

"We don't have to if you don't want to, but I just figure, how do you know if you...like me that way if we don't, at least, give it a try?"

She nodded. "One thing though: why am I the only one with a pseudonym?"

"No one's after me, but I suppose that doesn't make you feel any—" she gasped lightly as Alex rested her hand over hers.

Alex smiled. "You're right, but it does make sense."

Olivia turned her hand over, interlacing their fingers. "Yes, I suppose it does," she replied with a sigh.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think? Oh, and they're not exactly in WPP. Alex just thought it was safer to change her name. Olivia could have, but chose not to unless necessary.

Review thanks to: peterpeter, Kikilia14 & tummer22

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	3. The Real Deal…Almost

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 3: The Real Deal…Almost**

At about 6:30 that night, Olivia arrived back at the apartment. Opening the door, she heard Alex in the shower. She went to her room and shed her work clothes before dressing in clean jeans and a black shirt before freshening up.

She walked out, sitting on the couch in wait. She wasn't dressed formally, but knew Alex would never complain.

Stepping from the shower, Alex dried her hair and wrapping a towel around herself before opening the door. "Liv, are you home yet?" she called.

"Yep, waiting on the couch, take your time."

"Okay."

Thirty minutes later, Alex immerged from the hall in a black sleeveless dress with a slit up one side, black heels to match. Light blue eye shadow, light blush on her cheeks, lips painted ruby red.

Olivia sat relaxed on the couch, arms crossed. "Well...hi," she said with a wide smile, her eyes taking him her entire form from her make up to her curves which were emphasized easily by the dress she was wearing. Olivia's eyes were quickly fixed on her long legs as she walked up and sat beside her, hands in her lap.

"You like it?" she asked with a smile, noticing the light in her eyes.

She nodded. "Yes, very much. Where would you like to go for dinner?" she asked resting a hand on hers.

"You're...really nervous aren't you?" Alex asked. "Maybe we shouldn't do this."

Olivia shook her head. "No! I want to. I just…you're different from everyone else. I want…to go slow. Pace it, but you're just…you and—"

Alex's hand ran across her cheek. "I know, Olivia. It's going to be okay."

Olivia moved to the opposite end of the couch, shaking. "I know, but… I just, I know it's fast, but I really, really…"

Alex scooted over placing a gentle, short kiss on her cheek before resting her hand on her jean-clad leg, feeling her tremble. "Liv."

She looked toward her, but didn't make eye contact, cheeks flushing slightly. "You have…soft lips," she whispered.

Alex reached up, wiping off the lipstick mark. "Thank you. Is that what you were thinking?"

Olivia nodded. "I know it's fast, but…"

"I do think its fast, but don't worry about it. Just let me set the pace."

Again, she nodded. Clearing her throat, she stood. "Where would you like to go?"

Alex stood after her, taking her hand. "Well, there's this nice place all those…unrelenting, hopeless suitors aspired to take me."

"I was actually thinking of a smaller place, more private."

She smiled. "Romantic?"

"Well, isn't that how most envision a first date?"

* * *

Half an hour later, they sat in a booth in a nearly vacant bar. Not the most romantic, but it sure did the trick to ease homesickness. "I'm surprised you agreed to come here," Olivia said. "You never really seemed like the bar-drinking type," she said, taking a swig of her beer.

Alex shrugged, sipping a bit of Bourbon. "I figured you wouldn't mind. Besides, it's a completely different atmosphere than back home. Only a few drunks at the bar, no brawls and it's already after eight."

She laughed a bit. "Yeah, completely different. Kinda nice," she said, glancing around, quickly before going back to Alex.

"What's nicer, the atmosphere or company?"

Eyes diverted back to hers, Olivia placed one hand on the table. "Definitely the company," she said with a smile.

Alex sighed. "Meanwhile, there's a guy behind me who wants you."

She raised a brow. "I don't see him. What, do you have eyes in the back of your head?"

She smiled, pointing to the mirror behind Olivia.

She turned, seeing a man with short blonde hair, grinning at her. She waved it off. "No one has my attention except you, but—" she placed her hand on top of Alex's, "let's see if this helps."

Alex turned her hand over, locking their fingers. "Well, he looks, less gun-ho, but still…"

Olivia grabbed a menu from the table. "I'm going to have a steak."

She sighed. "Typical, though not uncommon in this place."

"Yeah. What about you?"

"I'm thinking I might have the same as you."

* * *

The evening, through dinner, went well without a snag for about the next hour. Alex went to the restroom and the man she had pointed out earlier to Olivia walked over.

"Hi, I'm Alan," he said, sitting across from her. "I don't think I've seen you around. Can I buy you a drink?"

"No thank you. I'm here with someone," she replied.

He flashed a grin. "But she's…just a friend right?"

Not wanting to lead him on, she shook her head, but before she could reply Alex walked back out. "Made a friend have you?" she asked.

She remained silent, but knew they were both waiting for her response. "Look, Alan, I appreciate the offer, but you're not my type," she said, scooting toward the wall to let Alex sit beside her.

"So…what about you?" he asked Alex.

She gave him a trademark, courtroom glare, lying her hand on top of Olivia's, but he still didn't move. She sighed. "No thanks."

Olivia heard a familiar sound, something she hadn't heard for months, suddenly becoming apprehensive. "Emily, we need to go. You…look a little out of it."

She looked at her, puzzled, then recognized the look in her eyes, pretending to collapse onto the table.

Olivia paid for their meal and drinks before helping her stand.

"Can I help in any way?" he asked.

She shook her head as Alex leaned on her, her arm around Olivia. She waited until they were back in the car before saying anything. "What just happened?" she asked as Olivia sped away.

She waited until they were parked by the complex before saying anything. "Feedback."

"Feedback? I didn't hear…"

"No, you probably wouldn't. He was wearing a wire. Get out of the car, now," she said seriously.

She got out as Olivia walked around, taking off her own jacket searching everywhere, but found nothing.

Alex handed hers to her. Olivia found a small transmitter in her pocket. She pressed a finger to her lips. Her gut told her to crush it, get rid of it, but she knew she shouldn't. She spoke the words quietly, carefully. "Call someone and call them now."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: tummer22, McJoJo, DaniiButNotBeck, peterpeter & Kikilia14

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	4. Crushing Reality

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 4: Crushing Reality**

That night Olivia was in bed, but she couldn't sleep. They'd thought moving away from New York would stop whatever efforts Zapata had. They'd been fine for two months, after all. Only Olivia's new squad captain knew where she came from, but that was a necessity in order to still work the profession.

It wasn't right or fair. Alex had been expecting to hide out for a while until Zapata was caught and be able to go back to New York – she had too – but with someone knowing, potentially, who they were and why they were there, Olivia figured it was a pipe dream now.

Alex had called Captains Rose and Craigen who would be over in the morning to discuss what could possibly be done. Olivia didn't know what could be done though, except to move again, but what good would that do? She had a feeling he'd continue to follow them no matter where they went.

Maybe going into protection wasn't the worst option. Alex hadn't wanted to at first, claiming she would rather move and change her name than entire life, but with someone finding them here, was that really so bad?

Hearing movement, she stood from bed and walked over to open her bedroom door, barely seeing Alex's door close. It was about three in the morning and Olivia figured Alex was feeling more on edge than she was.

She walked over and knocked on the door. "Alex?"

She jumped in surprise thinking Olivia had been asleep before walking over and opening the door a crack. "Yes?" she asked, her voice soft and a bit strained.

"You couldn't sleep either?"

"No," she scoffed, "I was sleeping great. I mean, who wouldn't when a rapist, who's threatened my life, knows where I…" she backed away from the door, closing it again.

Concerned, Olivia tried the knob and, finding it unlocked, opened the door just enough to squeeze in before closing and locking it. From the lamp light, she could see Alex was in a t-shirt and sweats curled up into a ball and facing the wall.

Walking over, she sat on the bed, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's going to be okay." To her surprise, Alex turned toward her and held her tight, silent sobs shaking her body.

"N-no, it's n-not! He f-found me! He's-he's going to…"

Olivia wrapped both arms around her, rubbing circles into her back. "We don't know it was him for sure, Alex."

"Who else would it be?" she asked shakily.

She shook her head. "I don't know, but I won't let anything happen to you."

"H-how do you know?"

"Because I...I won't let you out of my sight."

Alex readjusted herself, resting her head in Olivia's neck. "I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, he's there."

"Shhh, just try. I'll be here."

"B-but what if he's already here?"

"I won't let him near you."

"I don't want to see him again. Nothing's ever made me feel like this before, Olivia. I-I'm…scared."

Olivia nodded. "I understand, but it's going to be okay," she said, tightening her grip and kissing her hair. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

"But you don't have to do any of this, Olivia. You-you can go home. Don't risk your life for me."

She sighed. "I am home as long as you're with me. I—"

"No, Olivia, don't you dare say it!" she said, rolling away and getting out of bed to go stand by the window. "We-we barely know each other! Y-you can't possibly—" she turned, sensing her behind her and burying her head in her shirt. "You can't! You just can't!"

Sighing again, Olivia wrapped her arms around her. "Yes I can. I want to know everything about you. I don't care that I don't know right now," she said, rubbing her hands along her back. "I'll learn, do whatever I have to do to keep you with me."

"But if I don't make it—"

"—You will. No one will hurt you."

Alex tore away, hugging herself and leaning against the wall. "You can't promise me that."

She nodded. "That's true, but I'd still like to try."

Shaking her head, she walked back over and crawled under the covers. "It-it's not going to work, Olivia."

She walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Well, certainly not the words I expected to be said at the end of our first date." She went to stand, but Alex grabbed hold of her wrist.

"Wait, please. I didn't…mean it like that. I want this to work. You're beautiful, smart, funny, witty, charming, sexy… I don't want to give up, not on us."

"But as long as he's got you in his crosshairs you'd rather not pursue this?"

She nodded. "I want to know you, the real you, not the cop everyone else knows."

Olivia nodded too. "Do you…want me to stay?"

"Please."

Olivia laid beside her, smiling as Alex scooted closer with her back to her and Olivia wrapped her arms around her. She kissed her cheek. "Just relax. I'll protect you."

Alex sighed in content, falling asleep.

* * *

About an hour later, Alex woke crying in a sweat, sitting up out of her embrace.

She ran a shaking hand through her hair, swinging her legs over the edge and going to the bathroom for a drink of water, after which she wet her face with a cool cloth, seeing her pupils dilated in the mirror, her bottom lip trembling. She couldn't believe the sight of his face and hearing his voice caused her so much pain and terrified her. She took a shaky breath, taking another drink of water. Steadying her heart rate a bit, she walked back into the bedroom, seeing Olivia had turned the bedside lamp on and was sitting up waiting for her.

"..Sorry," Alex said, as she walked in and shut the door, "nightmare."

Olivia nodded. "I know, but you didn't seem interested in asking for my help, so I thought, maybe, this time, it was best to let you handle it on your own."

"That's fair," she said, getting back into bed.

"I would suggest talking about it, but I don't know how much that'll help."

"Yeah true," she replied, wiping her eyes as she laid back down.

Olivia wrapped her arm around her again, tighter this time, but Alex was trembling and crying half an hour later. She gently kissed her cheek. "Alex," she whispered, running her hand through her hair. "Alex, wake up."

She pulled away, almost falling out of bed, but Olivia managed to pull her close before switching on the lamp. She kissed her temple again and again, but she wouldn't wake. Olivia held her as tightly as she could to her, caressing the side of her face and wiping the tears.

"..Olivia..."

She sat up pulling Alex into her arms and rubbing her back to try to coax her out of it. "Alex, please wake up. You're safe. Here. With me. I won't let anyone hurt you. I swear."

Alex shook her head, clinging to her, crying harder. That was how they stayed for the rest of the night.

* * *

Early in the morning when Alex's grip had loosened indefinitely, Olivia was able to slip on some jeans and a t-shirt before climbing back into bed and holding her tight. Hours later, she awoke tp a pounding on the front door.

Alex now clung tighter to her. The more Olivia tried to get away, the tighter her grip became. "Alex, you need to let go."

She just shook her head, eyes closed tight, gripping her. "Don't go!"

Sighing, she managed to lift her into her arms, walk to the door and unlock it before sitting with her on the couch, laying a blanket over them. "Who is it?" she asked.

He chuckled a bit. "Your old boss?"

"It's open."

Seconds later, Captain Cragen entered, closing the door behind him. "It's been a while, Liv."

She nodded. "Yeah, it has."

He gestured to Alex's condition.

"Nightmares. Also, her name is Emily Banks here, but I think the truth is going to have to come out now."

He nodded. "Don't you think you should've done that too?"

Olivia shook her head. "How would I have the job I do here?"

"Good point."

Alex finally seemed to wake up. "You should've…the cartel are bound to go from you to me."

She sighed, but before she could reply, there was another knock at the door. "Come in."

A minute late Captain Rose walked in, closing the door behind her. "Nice place. Ah, you must be Captain Craigen?" she asked, extending her hand.

He shook it, nodding. "Pleasure. Now Olivia what happened?"

Alex sat up, yawning. Olivia handed her the landline. "Call your work."

She nodded, taking it and walking into the bedroom.

Olivia sighed. "It's complicated..." she began before explain the drug cartel ordeal. "...Alex didn't want to change her entire life, so she only changed her name and we came up here, but now—"

"—Now they've quite possibly found me and both of us are in serious danger," Alex finished, walking out in jeans and a white t-shirt, sitting beside her.

Craigen looked to Olivia. "Tell me you disabled the transmitter."

She walked into the kitchen, returning seconds later, placing it in his palm. "I went to an abandoned lot, called the guys in NY and they told me how." She chuckled a bit. "I'm not new to this."

"So what else happened? Did he seem suspicious at all?" Rose asked.

Olivia just shook her head. "He offered to buy me a drink."

"When she turned him down, he tried me," Alex said.

"It wasn't...odd, just unwanted. I heard feedback and said we should get out of there."

"He's…still awaiting extradition...isn't he?" Alex asked as Olivia rested an arm around her shoulders.

Craigen nodded. "As far as I know and there's been no more talk of violence toward you or your family."

"Still doesn't mean it's safe to go back," Rose said. "Someone could be biding their time."

Olivia nodded in agreement. "We can't just sit here. I think I should go back to that bar. He tried to pick me up first."

"He could've been doing that to get to me," Alex argued. "You can't go, not alone."

"She won't be alone," Rose said. "I'll follow her."

Again, Olivia nodded. "But first we need the transmitter analyzed. We need to know who that guy is."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: tummer22, Kikilia14, peterpeter, carcar206, DaniiButNotBeck, livsgirl & Bkwrmchar

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	5. For Her

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 5: For Her**

"Alex, I'll be fine," Olivia insisted. "Alan Jaken is only distantly related. I doubt he even knows who he is. Its many generations down and a few removed. The file said they'd never had contact. He's a salesperson, with only a few tickets for speeding, hardly someone to worry about."

"Olivia, he tried to track me! He knows who I am," she said, sitting on the bed while Olivia dressed. "Zapata must have some contact with him!"

Olivia sat by her, slipping a pair of black heels on. "All the more reason for me to do this then."

"But if he knows who you are he'll connect it back to me!" she said, lying her head on Olivia's shoulder.

To do what she had to, Olivia shook her off, walking to the doorway.

Alex grabbed her wrist. "..Please...please don't go! Leave it alone. W-we can move again, get out of here, go into Witness, just please, please don't do this," she begged as her voice cracked. "Th-they already made a threat. I-I don't want you to leave too."

She knew she should pull away and leave, but she couldn't. She turned, leaning against the wall and holding her close. "Alex, I'm doing this for you...for us. Don't you want to be free from this?"

She nodded, holding her tight. "Yes, but not if you'll be hurt, please!"

"Why are you suddenly so receptive to the idea of us?" Olivia asked. "You were the one who wasn't sure of it at first."

Alex pulled back, looking into her eyes. "You left your life _behind_ for me and then started a new one that _involved_ me. I guess I…just realized you really must—"

Captain Rose poked her head in. "Olivia, are you—oh, I'm sorry!"

Olivia shook her head. "No it's fine. We really should get going anyway."

"All right, I'll be waiting for you," and she walked away.

She sighed."I'll be fine, I promise. I'll come back...to you."

"But this is serious! It-it's not something you can take second rate. You-"

Olivia pressed a finger to her lips. "When have I ever not played these seriously, Alex?"

"Never. You're not like that, but-"

"You trust me?"

Alex nodded. "Every time."

Olivia wrapped an arm around her, leading her from the room to the main area. "Where's Cragen?"

"He said he had some special detective he went to get for her protection. He said he wouldn't be long. Asked us to wait."

She nodded, leading Alex to the couch. "Wow, until now I've never seen you out of uniform," she commented, seeing Anita in a sleeveless red top which emphasized her chest just a bit with black slacks.

"I could say the same for you," she commented, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, "in a long black dress gold to accentuate her neck and ears."

Alex nodded in agreement. "And you usually don't get this dressed up."

"Well, if the part calls for it…"

She crossed her arms, pouting playfully. "You didn't even dress up this much for me."

Olivia smiled. "Give it time. Is it so bad for me to want to treat you like a lady?"

"Well no, but—"

A knock came from the door.

"Who is it?"

"Cragen with reinforcements," he replied.

"Go ahead."

Olivia was more than surprised. Cragen walked in followed by Elliot. She would've jumped right up to hug him, but thought Alex might feel a bit…betrayed. Right now, she couldn't afford that, not with what was about to take place. She grinned widely. "Left the comforts of home to help us, have you? I feel so privileged," she said with sarcasm. "Hi Elliot, how are you?"

He smiled. "Just for a bit. I was filled in on a need-to-know basis and I'm good. How are you?"

Alex smiled, but leaned into Olivia more. Even though Elliot was here and Alex knew she'd be well protected, with him here now there was nothing to stop Olivia from...

Sensing her nervousness and feeling her tremble a bit, Olivia wrapped her arm around her, looking at her, concerned before looking back to him. "I've been better."

He nodded, walking over to sit beside Alex. "I figured as much."

"..I don't want you to go..." Alex spoke for the first time in ten minutes, turning to hold on tight. "Look, I know I this…reaction is completely out-of-character for me, but… It's like I said. I can face these guys in court, destroy them on the stand. There they usually can't hurt me, but someone died because I was too damn stubborn. And he-he haunts every dream, every damn nightmare. I hate that I'm feeling so scared. I don't want you to be the next one," she said, trembling more, "please."

Elliot shook his head. "I'd be scared too. It's your life we're talking about. We've seen men, women and children beaten, raped and left for dead."

"He's right," Rose agreed. "This isn't something to be taken lightly. When I spoke to Captain Cragen about your placement, Olivia, he told me what you're used to dealing with. I know you're an asset to my squad, but they're your family. Alex, from what I now know, if Elliot could go with her and not risk being recognized, I'm sure he'd do it in a heartbeat. They've known each other a hell of a lot longer, but I'm the captain, have been for almost ten years. While Olivia may understand the situation better, I know this town like the back of my hand. You trust her and you need to trust me."

Alex nodded. "I do it's just...I never expected this to find us. Never wanted it to."

"I'll be back," Olivia said. "I'm not going to leave you."

Cragen sighed. "I believe it. You've always looked out for her even when you didn't have to."

Olivia hugged her tightly. "I promise." She looked to Rose as she stood. "Well, shall we?"

She nodded.

Olivia walked to the door, once again Alex had her wrist. She turned. "Alex, I'm going..." but before she could get the sentence out, Alex's lips crushed hers.

That was the last thing she vividly remembered before waking up in a cold space, sitting on the floor, hands and legs bound and gagged with her captain beside her…

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: McJoJo, tummer22, Bkwrmchar, peterpeter, DaniiButNotBeck & Kikilia14

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	6. Survivor

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 6: Survivor**

Olivia groaned, her head was sore and pounding noticing Rose was still unconscious.

She looked around. Where were they and why were they here? It looked like some old storage space that hadn't been used in a while. Dust was collected on everything, metal was rusting. Through the window, the moon shone, giving them a little light.

Now she needed to wake her, get the rope undone and find where they were.

* * *

Alex sighed, pacing the living room floor. "They've been gone for too long! Can't you go find them?"

Elliot sighed, turning his attention from the TV to her. "They'll be fine. It's like the captain said, he's still waiting, so there's no way he could find you. I know it's hard, but try to relax."

Sighing, she sat beside him. "I know, I know. I just have a really bad feeling."

He shrugged. "I do too, but I gave my word that I wouldn't leave you until Olivia was back here."

She nodded. "That's...admirable, but I just wish they'd hurry up."

"Why don't you try to sleep for a bit?"

He shook her head. "I'll never be able to, not until she's back."

"It'd make the time go faster."

Sighing again, she nodded, curling up on the couch as Elliot tucked the blanket around her. "Remember...you promised..."

* * *

"Remember...you promised..." It was like she could hear Alex's voice, encouraging her and saying they needed to get out of there.

She was fairly certain whoever had put them there and tied them up didn't have any intention of coming back. Now that she was awake a little more though, she could feel where a few injuries, undoubtedly, were. Along with her head, her stomach, neck and back had begun to ache now that she was trying to move.

Rose was still out cold. Olivia knew she wouldn't be able to wake her until her hands were free. Continuing to look around, she spotted something sharp a few feet away, but with how bound she was, the effort would be much more, but she had to make it.

Turning around and kicking off her heels she scooted along the cold floor until she was inches from it. She rolled to the side, got to her knees and backed up against it, rubbing it along the rope, fast and praying she wouldn't accidentally cut her wrists. A minute or so later, she felt one piece fall, then another and a few minutes later it lay on the floor shredded.

After which, she undid the one around her ankles before pulling the tape from her mouth. She stood and limped over.

* * *

Elliot walked back in from the kitchen after finishing a call, sitting back beside Alex. He couldn't tell her this. But she needed to know. And if it was true, Alex was in even more danger. He knew if he helped her out of town, Olivia would be on him quicker and harder than a suspect on a case, but they were Cragen's orders, so maybe... "Alex..."

She opened her eyes. "..Liv?"

He shook his head. This news was liable to destroy her, but Kathy had already agreed. "Alex, you need to pack a bag. I'm taking you back with me."

She sat up. "But Olivia's not back yet."

He sighed, swallowing multiple times. "There was...an accident. We need to go."

"No," she spoke softly, "what happened?"

He hesitated. "He...must've known they were coming. Ambush."

"Where are they now?"

He shook his head. "Just pack two bags."

"No Elliot! WHERE IS SHE?!"

He placed a hand over hers. "We don't know. They've...been kidnapped."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: livsgirl, deadlockQ, peterpeter, tummer22, Bkwrmchar, McJoJo, Kikilia14 & DaniiButNotBeck

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	7. Promises

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 7: Promises**

Olivia sat beside her, gently pulling the tape off. "Anita, hey, it's Olivia."

Slowly, her eyes opened, she groaned from pain as Olivia cut the ties on her wrists and ankles. "Where are we?"

She shook her head. "I was hoping you could tell me," she said, helping her stand though nearly doubling over. "Ouch!"

Anita grabbed her arm. "Did you hurt your foot?"

"I-I don't know. I...don't even remember what happened or how we got here, but the soreness in my head could explain my lack of memory."

She nodded. "I think this place used to be an auto factory, but they had to condemn it years ago. Shoddy craftsmanship. Lights were always falling down. Once a beam even fell from the top."

Olivia nodded. "Okay, so are we still in Wisconsin?"

"Yes, but we're a long way from where we need to be. To trek across town might take a couple days on foot."

"Days? But this town it so small," Olivia said as she sat on a few cinder blocks below the window. "Is there anything here that could be used as a splint?"

"Do you really think it's broken?"

"No, but if its stabilized, it'll heal faster. Do you remember what happened or how we got here?"

* * *

"No," Alex said, "I'm not leaving. Not without her."

"I understand where you're coming from, believe me, but here you're a sitting duck. Olivia would rather have you safe somewhere else."

"I'm not going. I can't. What if I do and she comes here looking for me?"

He sighed. "That's a good point, but don't you think she's got more common sense than—"

"—She was the one who found the transmitter! So no, I don't think she won't jump to the wrong conclusion!" She sighed. "Look Elliot, she's smart, especially street smart, but she knew what could happen if something went wrong with this. I don't want her to assume the worst, not after what's already happened."

He nodded. "I understand, but...I'm not supposed to camp out here."

"So don't! Leave me here to wait!"

"Alone? Alex, y-you're not thinking clearly."

"I don't want to be without her! Even now, it's killing me!"

"You'll be killed if you're here alone."

"You promised you'd stay until she got back!"

He nodded again. "I did, but—"

"—don't you DARE say she might not come back! I know she's alive and she WILL come back!"

* * *

Olivia sighed. "..So we went in, got ambushed, probably fought while being kidnapped and were just...left here? That doesn't sound right..."

"You know this better than I do, but I think you're right. We weren't the objective here."

"We've got to get out of here."

Anita put Olivia's arm around her neck. "The exit's not far."

Olivia nodded, only half paying attention in order to walk. _Remember...you promised..._ She knew her ankle wasn't broken, but it did hurt. With her mind set on the beautiful blonde, they managed to make it out of the place.

The wind blew hard and they were both freezing from it, but Olivia wouldn't quit, not until she saw her again. It felt like every mile they walked their destination was farther away.

* * *

Elliot nodded. "I believe she will too, but when? I-it could be days, weeks…"

Alex nodded, remaining silent while standing and pacing the room.

"Alex... I know how hard it is to sit and wait, but—"

"—I'll do it. She left everything to come up here with me. We-we've been happy, not perfect, but happy."

He sighed. "How long do you expect to wait? Or will you spend the rest of your life waiting for someone who might not return?"

"I know she'll be back," Alex said. "She promised me. And she won't break it."

* * *

It was two days later, in the early morning, after trapsing nearly the entire town with no sleep, before they made it to the apartment building. Olivia, after seeing the familiar structure, nearly collapsed.

"Come on, just a bit more," Captain Rose urged. "We're almost there."

"Almost where?" asked a voice from behind them.

She looked back, seeing the same man. She tried to run, but with Olivia physically exhausted, it wasn't the easiest thing to do. Alan made to grab Olivia, but Rose laid her on the ground.

Hearing noise, Olivia opened her eyes, seeing Anita and Alan fighting, but she had no more energy and passed out.

Elliot, hearing some sort of argument, walked over to the window. "What the... Olivia!" he called, running from the room.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: livsgirl, J.J, Guest, peterpeter, Kikilia14, McJoJo, DaniiButNotBeck, Bkwrmchar & MHfanSmoezz

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	8. Haze

**IMPORTANT NOTE: **Concerning the story Saving What's Left is at the end of the chapter!** PLEASE READ!**

* * *

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 8: Haze**

The next thing Olivia's brain registered was someone talking, but she was so tired that even opening her eyes felt like too much effort.

She figured it was a good assumption that Alex was the one sitting beside her and gripping her hand for dear life, though she wasn't speaking. It made sense though. Olivia had been gone for about 3 days without contacting her, but she'd been more concerned with getting back to her in one piece.

Alex was trembling, tears coursing down her cheeks, but she was trying not to let them show. Captain Rose had already explained what had happened, why it had taken them so long to get back. She wasn't upset over that, it made sense. She just wanted Olivia to wake up.

"Is she going to be okay?" she asked no one unparticular.

The doctor stepped up beside her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Yes, she has a bruised stomach, a couple broken ribs, a mild concussion and a sprained ankle. She should try to stay off of it as much as possible for a week or two. Other than that, yes, she'll be fine."

She nodded, taking off her glasses to wipe them on her shirt before placing them back on her nose. "Thank you."

He nodded. "Visiting hours are normally over by now, but being as she's a cop and considering what she's been through, you're welcome to stay. And, of course, you are too, detective," he said as Elliot walked up to Olivia's other side and he left the room.

Alex looked up. "So, now what's going to happen?"

Elliot sighed. "We've caught the men who abducted them. But, as it turns out, a few more are in the area. We're looking for them currently."

Her fingers brushed Olivia's cheek. "Who did they get their orders from?"

"Not from whom you're thinking, at least not now. Turns out he had more influence and 'family' than we thought. If he was ever arrested-"

"-someone else was supposed to find me. So is this the end of it until he's extradited?"

He shook his head. "We don't know. We're trying to find out. Until then, after Olivia is released, you two are confined to that apartment. As far as we know, the others who are looking don't know 'you', _Emily_."

She nodded. "Okay, what about guards? Protection?"

"A few officers she works with here have been assigned to guard the premises, given barely the necessary info. We've checked backgrounds and subjected them to lie detector tests. They both passed with flying colors. Even so, Cragen has assigned me up here until the others are in custody, just in case."

"Sounds good."

"I'm going to go to grab something to eat. Want anything?"

She shrugged. "Could go for a burger...I guess."

He nodded, walking around and resting a hand on her shoulder. "She'll be okay. She's tough."

"I know. It's just...seeing her lying here, it kind of shatters certain illusions of her for me."

"True, but still," he said, walking from the room.

* * *

Much later that night, Olivia awoke to a darkened room. Looking over, a light from the hall illuminated part of the room. She saw Alex was resting her head on the bed, holding her hand. She removed her glasses, setting them on the table beside the bed before stroking her fingers through her hair.

She was vaguely aware of how she'd gotten there. She remembered walking back to the complex, seeing it in sight, then she blacked out.

"Alex," she whispered, pulling at her hand.

She mumbled her name in her sleep, gripping her hand tighter.

"Alex," she said again, stroking her cheek.

Feeling the touch, her eyes opened sleepily. "Liv..." Alex said, sitting straight. "You're awake?"

She nodded. "Are you okay?" she asked, kissing her hand. "I'm sorry we weren't back sooner."

Alex couldn't speak, just nod.

Olivia smiled. "Alex, I'm okay."

She nodded again. "Three days…" she whispered, laying her head back on the bed, hoping Olivia couldn't see the tears that were flowing.

"Alex, I know I was gone a while," she said, sitting up a bit to rub her back, "but I'm back now and in one piece."

"I-I know, but I just…y-you could've…"

Olivia scooted over toward the other side of the bed. "Come on, get in."

"But your ankle-"

"-will be fine as long as it isn't bumped too much," she finished, pulling back the covers.

Alex kicked off her shoes, letting the side rail down, and laid beside her, arms around her, head on her heart. "I missed you."

She kissed her head. "I missed you too."

"How did you...manage to keep going?"

Olivia smiled. "Honestly? I kept remembering that I promised you. I couldn't break that promise, especially with what had already happened."

Alex snuggled into her. "Really?"

"Mhm," she said, wrapping an arm around her. "And, of course, that kiss," she whispered by her ear.

Smiling, Alex kissed her cheek. "I'm so glad you're back."

"Me too. I could hear what was going on. I just couldn't open my eyes. What do you say, after my ankle is better, we have a do-over date?"

"I'd like that. Where?"

"Anywhere you want, though since we'll be confined to the apartment, maybe I could cook for you?"

She nodded, snuggling into her a bit more. "Are your ribs ok?"

Olivia readjusted herself slightly. "They'll be fine. As long as you'll stay, the pain doesn't matter." She was silent for a few minutes before asking, "Are you still afraid?"

"A bit, but I trust you. I was so scared you weren't coming back when you didn't contact me."

Olivia kissed the top of her head. "And I'm sorry about that, but I figured you were more concerned about me coming back alive and in one piece. The truth is if we would've stopped and I would've heard you berating me, it wouldn't have gotten m home any quicker."

"I wouldn't have done that. I was worried about you."

"I know you were, but it still wouldn't have gotten me back quicker," Olivia said, sighing. "If-if you would've cried, I don't know what I would've done."

"..I did actually. At night," Alex said, repositioning her head in her neck. "I barely slept after I heard you were missing."

Olivia rubbed her back gently. "I believe it. But I'm back now and I'll be okay, so you can sleep."

She nodded. "Still doesn't feel real. I waited...and now you're here."

"Well, would it make you feel better kissing me while I sleep? I can't stay awake any longer, sweetie. I'm still exhausted."

"Then go ahead and sleep," she said, running a shaky hand through her hair. "I'll be here whenever you wake up."

"I will too," she replied, kissing her head again, "I promise."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: livsgirl, Kikilia14, Peterpeter, 13, MHfanSmoezz, Bkwrmchar & DaniiButNotBeck

Please read & review!

* * *

**IMPORTANT NOTE** for Saving What's Left

*After so many chapters, I realized I accidentally posted chapters 5 & 6 of this story as the same.

*-*Chapter 6 "Expand" has now been replaced with it's should-be content.

*-*-* If you read this, please do take the time to go back and read it. Post your reviews saying they are for chapter 6, even if its as a guest.

Sorry about this.

* * *

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	9. Real Nightmares

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 9: Real Nightmares**

The next morning, Olivia woke to a nurse administering her pain medication for her ankle. She pulled Alex closer, hoping she wouldn't have to leave, but the nurse just winked, covering them with another blanket and walking from the room. Olivia kissed her head, stroking her cheek as she heard Alex whimper her name. She wrapped her arms tighter around her. "Sshh."

Her eyes slowly opened halfway. "Is it time to get up yet? Don't make me," she said, burying her face in Olivia's shoulder.

"No," Olivia said, readjusting herself again, "you just go back to sleep."

She smiled, sighing. "Okay."

* * *

Elliot walked in about two hours later, finding Olivia awake with Alex still wrapped around her. "I see she found a comfortable spot to sleep after all."

Olivia sat a little straighter. "Yeah, told me she was really upset while I was away."

He took the chair beside her. "She was. Hardly slept, cried all night."

"The important thing is I'm going to be okay...and so is she."

"Yeah. So how are you feeling?"

She sighed, ending in a wince. "Good, all things considered. What's going on?"

He shrugged. "There are a few others up here we're trying to find. Until then, the two of you are confined to the apartment."

She nodded. "So what? Are you bored or something?"

"A bit, but I came to see if you needed anything."

Alex struggled in her sleep. "..Liv..."

Olivia turned a bit, running her fingers through Alex's hair. "What is it?"

She just shook her head, holding tighter.

"I'll...be back later," Elliot said, standing and leaving the room.

"Alex?"

"..Don't go..."

"Go where?" Olivia asked softly. "I'm right here with you."

"With him . . . to save me. You can't! You promised!"

Asking who _he_ was, at this point, was idiotic. "He's not here. You're safe."

She shook her head again. "No, not now..."

"Alex, open your eyes. No one's in the room but us."

Alex just clutched her tighter. "I...don't want you to go!"

Olivia rubbed her back. "I won't and I won't let anything happen to you."

Slowly, her teary eyes opened. "Promise?"

She kissed the top of her head. "On my life."

* * *

The day after, Olivia was released and Elliot escorted them back to the apartment. Olivia, on crutches, couldn't move very fast and nearly fell twice before sitting on the couch. She sighed as Alex sat beside her. "Are you feeling better?"

Alex bit her lip, but nodded, leaning into her side. "I just..."

"Just what?"

"That dream I had."

"What happened?" Olivia asked, as Alex brought her injured foot up to rest in her lap. "Please tell me."

She shook her head. "If I do and it happens…"

Olivia's fingers caressed the side of her face. "Please?"

Alex kissed her injured foot before looking up. "He found me and," she swallowed hard, "held me at gunpoint until you agreed to go with him to get out of the country. You went...to keep me safe, but..."

Olivia rested her foot back on the table. "..I never came back, did I?"

She shook her head again, feeling Olivia's strong arms lift her into her lap. Alex wrapped her arms around her neck.

* * *

Later that night, Alex had a terrible nightmare, more like a nightmare come true, but it was much different from what she'd told Olivia, or what she'd dreamed.

She seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness from excruciating pain resonating all over her body. Finally, when her haze cleared, she knew it wasn't a dream.

Her hands were bound, she was bleeding from numerous gashes and bruised and the face that had haunted her dreams came into light.

Rafael Zapata Gaviria had escaped.

"Well, Miss Cabot, it's been a while," he mused...

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: livsgirl, Ockham's razor, ladybugsmomma, Bkwrmchar, McJoJo, DaniiButNotBeck, Mz-Obssesive13, peterpeter, Kikilia14 & tummer22

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	10. Victimized

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 10: Victimized**

She had no idea where they were, but she made no effort to disclose that she remembered him, no verbal one anyway. Her entire body shook with fear. The room was dark, dank and cold. Zapata stood in the middle, one man at each side whom she didn't recognize. All three of their faces made her wish she couldn't see. They were all grinning maliciously and had tribal symbols on their shaved heads, similar to his.

She, vaguely, wondered how they'd gotten past the guards, Elliot, and, moreover, Olivia sleeping beside her. She hoped she hadn't been injured more.

Zapata just smirked, knowing revenge would be worth it.

She tried to pull away, to scream, but he only covered her mouth as someone she didn't recognize rendered her unconscious.

* * *

Olivia limped out to the couch were Elliot was sleeping, shaking his shoulder. "Elliot!"

He grunted, but opened his eyes. "Huh? What's wrong?"

"Alex is gone."

He shot to his feet. "What? How? Wasn't she in your bed? How could you—"

She smacked him. "Now isn't the time to place blame for that! We need to figure out how in the hell he, and whoever he works with, got in here! Aren't there guards outside?"

"Weren't you two sleeping together?"

She glared. "No."

"I didn't mean it like... weren't you sleeping with your arms around her? How could you not have noticed?" he asked, checking the living room windows.

She sighed. "Well, the Lortab 7.5 I took for my ankle was probably to blame. It knocked me out. But what about you?"

He walked into the bedrooms, ignoring her inquires. Minutes later, he reentered, hitting the lights. "Her bedroom window was open and the screen's been slashed."

"Great. Well, I'll call it in. You go check outside."

* * *

Alex faded in and out of consciousness with severe pain. She'd pass out from it, only to be woken up moments later. Torture was his game. He wasn't aiming to kill her. He could've done that on his own. Void of clothes, her entire body was freezing. She sure as hell wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hearing her scream, though the gag she choked on helped with that.

It wasn't just burns and cuts and bruises, oh no. It couldn't be. He had to take it farther and degrade her by raping her. She was thankful for the ability to fall unconscious even if it was from the pain. And it wasn't just him either. His lackeys joined in.

She now knew exactly why the people she helped said they were never the same. The images and physical pain, the terror. It just wouldn't go away. She knew, even if someone – by Heaven's grace – found her and rescued her, the relationship she had with Olivia would be over. She'd never be able to talk about it, not to her. It didn't matter how many people she helped. Until she'd experienced it, she'd had no idea. Nothing could ever make this go away. But she did pray that someone would find her, even if it wasn't Olivia.

* * *

Olivia limped across the living room, pacing. She'd called Cragen, who'd immediately said he'd be there. The guards had been knocked out.

Moments later, Cragen flung the door open. "We've got a location! Let's go!"

Elliot helped her out to the car as they sped out of town. Olivia only hoped they weren't too late . . .

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

_Special Note: I know, I know, a lot of you will say "But Olivia handles victims, they both do. She'll understand!" and "It's not Alex's fault. She needs to talk to Olivia." That's true, but Alex experience puts more into perspective than anyone realizes. Please, just...keep reading._

I'll probably go into gory detail in the next chapter or so. I'll put a warning.

Review thanks to: livsgirl, Ockham's razor, McJoJo, tummer22, peterpeter, Kikilia14, DeLene, deadlockQ, DaniiButNotBeck, ladybugsmomma & Bkwrmchar

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	11. Reaching Out

**WARNING: This chapter contains graphic violence.**

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 11: Reaching Out**

Finally back in New York – more specifically at Mercy Hospital – Olivia was in the waiting room while an unconscious and severely abused Alex was being checked over. The past hour ran through her head.

_With the three of them leading, the entire squad that Olivia had come to know for the past few months, went into the secluded building._

_It was nothing special and looked to be an old warehouse. There looked to be struggle near the back doors. Cragen and Rose had managed to pry it open. There stood Zapata and his lackeys waiting. They hadn't even bothered to run, like they knew it was useless._

_They were cuffed by Cragen, Rose and another officer and taken outside._

_"You two stay and find her," Cragen had ordered._

_Olivia nodded. Walking on her injured ankle felt like fire coursed through her veins, but she had to. The room was basically empty. She did notice a bed covered by a thin blanket. And in the moonlight, she could see a streak of reddish-blonde hair sticking out from underneath. Carefully, she limped over, gently pulling the blanket away..._

"Olivia?" Elliot repeated. "Olivia!"

She snapped out of her daze. "Huh?"

He walked up. "The doctor said we could go in. She's conscious."

She nodded, getting up slowly and walking in. Alex looked so exhausted and weak, physically drained of color. "Alex."

"What?" she bit, not feeling like talking to anyone.

Olivia sat beside her as Elliot hung around the back of the room. "Alex, you need to tell me what happened."

She scoffed. "You already have them in custody and I consented to a Rape Kit. Why should I be forced to degrade myself by telling you, a jury and a judge what happened to me? They're in custody. Use what you have."

"Alex, you're acting—"

"—acting like what, detective? A victim? Have you even considered that I could be one? That maybe I don't want to talk about it?"

Olivia sighed. "No one likes to talk about it. You know that. How traumatized people get. They have every right to. But, Alex, if you don't tell us, not only does he get away with it, the other men do too. You can't let them get away with this."

She nodded. "I know, but... I just can't. Up until this happens, you can scarcely imagine just how horrifying it is. I've heard from rape victims and prosecuted their rapists. I listen to it, every single detail, knowing that with each word they tell, each gruesome act, I can nail the bastards to the wall. I can, Olivia. I've done it for how many years now? But now, when I need to be stronger than ever, I can't be. Its very different being on the other side. I just didn't realize how different until now. Can you...can you give me until tomorrow? I know I shouldn't be even asking, that it's more reliable with how fresh it is, but I need a bit of time to try to cope."

"Time isn't going to make this go away, Alex. You know that," she said gently, hating to see the woman in front of her in such a vulnerable state. In truth, she would do anything to try to make the pain go away, but she couldn't even begin until Alex explained.

She wiped her eyes of the tears that were threatening to fall. It wasn't like Olivia was going to chastise her for being afraid or even crying, but now wasn't the time to show that much vulnerability. "I know that, but believe me when I say my recalling this violation will not lessen overnight."

Olivia could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice. Something had changed, broken within her. Something that even she might not be able to put back together. She wasn't surprised Alex had asked for a little time, despite the fresher the events were the more likely they would be taken into consideration. Most women made a point of not reporting it, either out of fear of being judged, disbelief, or having it happen again and having worse consequences. "Okay, one night," she concluded. "I'll be back first thing in the morning." She went to squeeze her hand in reassurance, but Alex pulled away.

Olivia walked to the doorframe, a bit uneasy until she spoke up, "Olivia, i-it's not you. It's everything else. I-I don't know what to do anymore."

She turned, staring into the cerulean pools of hurt and shame. "Don't worry about it. Just get some sleep, okay?"

Alex nodded, settling back against the pillows, trying to will the pain to lesson so she could sleep.

* * *

"So," Elliot said as they walked into the bull pen, "how does it feel to be back?"

She shrugged. "Good I guess."

Cragen walked out. "Olivia, my office."

She nodded, following him back. "Is there a problem with me transferring back?" she asked, sitting in the chair in front of his desk as he closed the door and took a seat behind it.

He shook his head. "No, the other officer transferred out two days ago. This isn't about that. Rose has already began sending me the transfer papers."

"So what is it?"

He leaned over his desk. "I don't think you should be working this case anymore, Liv."

"But I worked it before I left."

He nodded. "Yes, but that was before everything else…"

She sighed. "I thought she explained to you why she wanted me to go."

"That isn't it. I understand that and now it looks like she was right. But," he pulled the medical file, "she needs you more than we do right now. Let us do the interrogating."

"Elliot, interrogate properly?" she asked with a bit of sarcasm.

"That's true, but also officially you're not back here yet. All the papers need to be signed off on. And she does need you, Liv. She was in hell when we found her."

"I know she does. So, unofficially, you'd like me to help her try to deal with this?"

"Exactly. Then, when everything is in order, you'll be back, but I still request that you do not work this case because you are too close."

Sighing again, she nodded. "She asked for a night to gather her thoughts. I said I'd be back first thing tomorrow morning."

"Good, do that and bring it straight to me, only because I think she's more apt to tell you than anyone else, but after you're off the case."

"I wonder if she'll even tell me."

* * *

Alex tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Not that she'd expected to be able to. Now, not only did Zapata's face haunt her, the faces of the other men did as well along with the excruciating pain she had felt. She knew she shouldn't feel ashamed or helpless, but she did. Hell, if she hadn't done what they'd said she might not be alive, but it still didn't make her feel any better.

Talking about it was one way to regain control, but she didn't know how much that would help. Looking up at the clock, she noticed it was 2:25am. She knew she shouldn't call now. As much as part of her believed she couldn't be helped, the part of her that still trusted Olivia wanted her help, even if she couldn't talk.

"Miss Cabot?" the nurse asked. "You shouldn't be awake. It's very late."

Sighing, she nodded. "Yes, I realize that, but I can't sleep."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is..."

Fifteen minutes later, she slipped into the room closing the door and flipping the light on. "You...said you wanted to talk to me?" Olivia asked, taking a seat beside the bed.

She nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry it's so late, but…" Tentatively, she reached out for her hand.

Olivia nodded, gently taking it in both of hers. "It's okay. I was lying in the crib wide awake anyway."

"Olivia, I thought it could wait, but I just can't take it. I just don't...feel right."

"You didn't feel yourself leaving the bed when it happened?"

She shook her head. "I felt cold. I woke up and saw my clothes were shredded, my hands were bound and I was gagged. Liv, killing me wasn't the objective. The objective was to torture me. I..."

Seeing she needed a moment, Olivia interjected. "There were two other men there with him. Did they say who they were? Like nicknames or anything like that?" she asked, squeezing her hand gently.

"No, just that they would be the men of my undoing without killing me."

Olivia took a breath. "Then what happened?"

She bit her lip, willing her emotions not to show, but it didn't help, as she tried to pull her hand away, Olivia wouldn't let her as she carefully sat on the edge of the bed. "This is...I can't! I thought I could, but..."

Olivia's fingers brushed the tears away. "It's okay. Really."

"N-no it's n-not. While that was happening, I-I had it in my head that no matter how many people you've helped you wouldn't be able to help me or if you did you would see me differently! I don't want you to see me that way! I want things to go back to how they were!" she cried.

"Alex…"

Upon hearing gentleness of the use of her name, Alex fell into her arms shaking and sobbing heavily as Olivia wrapped her arms securely around her. "It's not – and it's never going to be – your fault that this happened. If anything, it's mine. I promised to protect you and I let you down. And, for that, I will be forever sorry."

"It's not your fault," she said softly. "You didn't know what was going to happen." Alex sighed as she rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "H-he r-raped me a-and passed me ar-around like s-some party favor!" she cried into her shoulder. "They wanted me to scream, but I wouldn't. I sure as hell wasn't going to give them that satisfaction."

She held her tightly, her hands continuing to rub circles into Alex's back. "..Alex, what exactly happened?" In truth, it was never an easy question to ask – or hear the answer to – but she needed the facts.

Alex swallowed multiple times, trembling more than ever as she began to recount, "At first it...wasn't out of the ordinary as far as rapes go, but when I refused to scream it...it got worse. A jackknife was pressed into my stomach, but I still wouldn't do it." At that point, she, physically, couldn't continue. It was just too horrible, even to tell Olivia, so she just clung tighter to her.

Remaining silent, Olivia just sat there with her for over twenty minutes, but just when she thought Alex had fallen asleep in her arms, she continued, somewhat calmer, "they bruised, cut, raped and sodomized me until I passed out from the pain only to be woken moments later by a smack to the face."

At that point, the detective felt her muscles go rigid. She wanted to castrate and kill all three of them. Hell, she could see herself doing it.

"Liv?" Alex asked, feeling her muscles tighten and her body shake with rage. This wasn't a normal reaction for her at all, but she had the impression Olivia would only react this way to someone she loved being hurt. "Liv..." she tried again, hoping she was still in there. For a few moments, she wasn't sure if she wanted her there as she was. It wasn't until Alex pulled back a bit and ran a hand across her cheek that she came out of her love-justified, demonic daydream. But when she heard a choked sob escaped as well as see a tear roll down her cheek, she knew she'd gotten through.

Her eyes turned back from the dark voids to beautiful brown as she attempted to apologize for – even minutely – zoning out, but no matter how many times she opened her mouth, no words would come.

"Olivia," she said, resting a hand on either side of her face as she ran them up to wipe her tears away. "Liv, please?" she asked, voice quivering.

The tremble of Alex's voice brought her back to full reality as her muscles relaxed and her hands resumed their circles. "I...I'm sorry. I was shocked. I..."

Alex's head resumed it's spot on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around her. "I understand. I expected you to be."

She nodded. "I'm so sorry. I wish...I had felt you leave and stopped him."

"I know, but it's not your fault. You need to try to understand that."

"I will. I promise. But after I report this to Cragen, I'm ordered off the case for being too close. He wants me to help you through this though."

"Oh. I'm...sorry," she said, abruptly pulling away, but Olivia pulled her back into her arms.

"No, baby," she said sincerely, tracing her jaw with one finger, "I want to help you. I want to help you feel better. What can I do?"

Alex pulled away, lying back against the pillows, scooting over toward the edge, pulling the blankets back.

Olivia stroked her arm for a moment before getting up and turning off the light and walking over and sliding in next to her. She was surprised when Alex instantly turned and wrapped her arms around her and rested her head on her chest, her tears finally ceasing as she snuggled into her. Olivia wrapped her arms around her, kissing her head. "You're safe now," she whispered, "I promise."

"Mhm, I know."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: livsgirl, McJoJo, DeLene, Ockham's razor, peterpeter, Bkwrmchar, ladybugsmomma, DaniiButNotBeck, tummer22 & Kikilia14

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	12. Uncertainties

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 12: Uncertainties**

Alex awoke several times, each time crying and shaking and Olivia held her tighter each time. The last time she barely managed to fall asleep before she woke with a scream, sitting straight up.

Olivia sat up with her, and though she physically pushed her away at first, Alex leaned into her, burying her face in her neck. "Olivia!" she cried.

"Sshh, I'm right here," she whispered, holding her in her arms and rocking gently. "It's okay," she said, stroking her hair.

"I-I should've fought! I...couldn't think!"

"Sweetie, if you would've fought, you might not be here now," she said. "You're alive and back with me. And, right now, that's what matters."

"Is it...when you're hurt this way?"

Olivia hugged her tighter. "You're alive and that matters to me. Alex, as horrible as that situation was. It could've been much worse."

Alex sighed looking at the clock which read 9:15am. "You'd better go report to Cragen. I'll...be okay. I'll be in," she said.

Olivia nodded. "Okay." She didn't want to leave, but she also sensed that Alex wanted a little time alone.

* * *

That morning Olivia's mind was everywhere but at work. She could see exactly what happened to her in the corner of her mind, feel how terrified she'd been. She wished, so much, that she'd gotten there sooner and saved Alex some pain. She was much more jumpy than usual.

"Liv," Elliot said at about two that afternoon, "you've got a visitor."

"Huh?" she looked up, seeing Alex walk closer. She let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding in, smiling for a second as she met her halfway. "You already told me what ha—" without warning, Alex fell into her arms in tears. "Come on," she said, walking with her to Cragen's office, figuring she was probably there to give a proper, concrete account – on paper – of what had happened. She knocked on the door. "Captain, we have a visitor."

He looked up. "Alex?"

Olivia walked in with her, sitting her in a chair and standing beside her.

Cragen leaned over his desk and folded his hands. "What can we do for you, Counselor?"

She looked down at her hands, now unable to stop shaking. She looked over as Olivia rested her hand on her shoulder. "Don't go."

She nodded.

Cragen sighed. "Did you come to write down your statement?" he asked softly. "Olivia already told me what you said."

Alex nodded. "I think it might help me if I write it down."

He nodded, handing her a notepad and pen.

Olivia sighed. "I know I'm not on the case, but what's going to happen to them? And to her?"

"All three are being extradited to a maximum security prison out of state." He looked at Alex, who had just laid the items on his desk, finished with her statement. "This may not be the most pleasant thing you hear, Alex, but thanks to this, there's no need for a jury trial. This account will go directly to the presiding judge."

She nodded. "And the judge is...?"

He smiled slightly, gesturing to the other door. "You can come in now."

Looking presentable as always, yet obviously frazzled by hearing the happenings, Liz Donnelly walked into the office and closed the door. "I can't say it's not good to see you again, Alex. I only wish it was under a better circumstance," she said, standing next to Cragen. She saw the notepad. "Is this your accurate statement?"

Alex nodded. "Yes it is."

"Good. As Captain Cragen just explained, this will not be a jury trial. Though, as much as I hate to put you through this..."

She sighed. "There will still be a trial."

She nodded. "Exactly. There must be one."

"So will all three of them be there?"

"Yes, but, like you've told countless witnesses and victims – which I'm sure you remember – they cannot intimidate you in any way."

"Who's my ADA? I can't represent myself."

Liz nodded. "You could, but you'd be held under those rules, which a do not recommend for this trial. Your ADA will be your replacement while you've been away, Casey Novak. She has a high conviction rate for these cases and, besides you, is one of my hand-picked."

Olivia spoke up. "Do you want me there as a witness to what I saw?"

"I cannot answer that, detective, but I know someone who can," she opened the door and in walked a long haired, redhead with sparkling green eyes in a blue blouse with a skirt to match and black high heels. "This is Casey Novak. Casey, this is Detective Olivia Benson and ADA Alexandra Cabot. Now, I have somewhere to be. Casey will fill you in on the details. See you then," she said as she left.

"Hi," Casey said and Olivia now noticed she was holding a manila file. "I don't suppose there's a chance of the two of you coming down to my office now for a chat is there?"

"Captain?" Olivia asked.

He nodded. "Unofficially, you're for the trial. I'll let you know when you're back."

"Thanks." Olivia nodded, helping Alex stand. "Come on, let's go."

* * *

Alex knew that nothing was going to be a draining as this trial, but when she and Olivia followed Casey into what used to be her office, her knees buckled. She wasn't upset or bitter. She understood why Casey was prosecuting now and she wasn't. She just didn't expect to have this reaction.

Olivia helped her into a chair and brought her a cup of water as she sat beside her. "Here."

Casey sat behind the desk, observing her and was puzzled for a moment until it hit her what must be going on. "It's strange, isn't it? All of my little knickknacks, diplomas and awards on the walls instead of yours?"

Alex nodded. "Well, a bit...yes. I expected to be back someday, just not because of something like this."

She smiled. "That's understandable," she said, taking a look at the written statement and comparing it to the files she had for a few minutes. After a few minutes, she looked to Olivia. "You were the one who found her first?"

She nodded. "That's correct."

"You and Detective Stabler? That man's so defiant. I don't know how you put up with him," she said with a smile that was...a bit flirtatious.

She shrugged."We work well together."

"I'm glad somebody does. He needs a buffer. Nearly broke the suspect's jaw in interrogation from the last case."

She smiled. "Yeah, h-he gets out of hand. Anger issues."

Alex sighed. "Okay, this is all very nice and sweet, but are we going to go over this or not? I'd like to go home and get some rest that doesn't involve nightmares, thank you very much!"

Casey nodded. "Yes, yes, just trying to know her a bit better. I've only heard stories until now."

She sighed again. She noticed how Casey was trying to get to her and, truthfully, after what had happened, maybe she was a better fit. Outgoing, seemingly not afraid to step outside her comfort zone, confident in who she was, beautiful... And well...if Alex ever used to be confident around Olivia, she certainly wasn't anymore. "Well, what do you need from me?"

The answer that Casey gave was muted to her ears. All she had on her mind was the possibility of losing Olivia and the nightmares she'd had the night before. She knew it wouldn't ever be Olivia's fault for what happened – she'd told her that herself – but now she wondered if it happened specifically to pull them apart, thereby pushing Olivia and Casey together.

"Alex...Alex?" Olivia asked. "Are you all right?"

She grabbed a piece of paper, writing down the words _Mercy Hospital: RM 501_ on it and handing it to Olivia before hastily making an exit.

"What was that about?" Casey asked. "I know she's...upset, but I saw something else. What did she give you?"

She unfolded it. "Mercy Hospital: RM 501."

"Isn't that in the Alzheimer's Ward?"

Nodding, Olivia bit her lip, handing her card to her. "Call me for the trial?"

She nodded. "It shouldn't be for a few days anyway. Do what you need to."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: Kikilia14, ladybugsmomma, DaniiButNotBeck, Bkwrmchar, DeLene & tummer22

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	13. Memory Strings of Pain

_A/N: Before this chapter starts, I just wanted to say thank you for over 90 reviews! It makes me really happy that all of you love this story so much! It makes my day each time I get a review! Please keep it up!_

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 13: Memory Strings of Pain**

Alex entered the hospital, stepping into the elevator and stopping off at the 5th floor. She then walked up to the Nurse's Station. "Excuse me? Is Sandra Williams in her room?"

The nurse looked up with a smile. "You're Alexandra?"

She nodded, smiling slightly though irritated at the use of her full name. "Yes, that's me. I called for information this morning."

The nurse nodded. "She's getting a bit of sun in the Sun Room," she said, stepping out and assigning another nurse to cover for her. "If you'll follow me, please?"

She nodded, walking alongside her. "How long has she been here? I was temporarily relocated for work."

"She's been here for about a month and a half. Took a bad fall and nearly fractured her leg besides a concussion. From there it just..."

She sighed. "Went downhill. She was already a bit gone before I left. She'd forget what day it was or forget to take her medication. It was usually nothing serious as I tried to be there as much as I could. Ever since my father passed away a few years ago, she'd been slipping gradually. Then I got a call from a colleague saying she'd found her wandering in the bad part of the city. I left work early and found her to take her home. I was possibly planning on admitting her, but before I could..."

"I understand. I know your name because she talks about you all the time. Her beautiful, blonde-haired, smart, attorney daughter, who has a steel look in defiant eyes when she doesn't get her way, but when she smiles she lights up the room."

Alex smiled. "That would be her. Out of curiosity, how-" she couldn't even ask the question. Her mother had always been her source of strength and now, to think she wasn't herself...

The nurse stopped just outside the room, signaling for Alex to stop. She turned and looked at her a bit uneasily. "She has her good days and her bad days. On her good days, she'll tell me every story under the sun about you and your father, but on days like today, well, you'll find out. She's right in there." She rested a hand on her shoulder. "I'm Abby. Call if you need me. Her meds are set to be administered again in about two hours."

She nodded. "Thank you." Walking into the room, she saw her in a wheelchair looking out. She was in her mid-to-late 50s with gray hairs streaking her blonde head. As Alex walked closer, she noticed how pale and fragile she looked. It was like her time away sped up her aging by twenty years though she'd only been away a few months. Of course, she'd left out that when she left, her mother had had no idea about it. But she had no choice.

She walked around to the front of the wheelchair, taking her hands in hers. "Hi Mom," she whispered though her voice cracked at the look in her mother's eyes. It was so distant that she could've been looking at another dimension.

"Mom?" she asked with surprise, her tired blue eyes focusing on Alex and her hands. "Who are you? I have no children."

Alex had to swallow multiple times to try to keep her composure, but it was nearly impossible. She wanted to shake her head and tell her it wasn't true, but she'd hardly ever been one to defy her, even now. She couldn't speak, only choke back a sob as silent tears flowed down her cheeks. She couldn't believe her mother was this far gone.

"Why are you crying dear? It's so lovely outside. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. What business do you have in here with me?"

She swallowed again. "I-I'm A-Alex..." she said with all the might she could muster, but her resolve was fading away fast.

"Alex?" she asked. "Oh yes, Alex. I used to know a young woman by that name. Smart, funny, witty, charming. How do you know me?"

"I-I'm y-your...d..." It was too much to take and she pulled away, running out. How could this have happened in only two months?! She was still running down the hallway when she collided with someone. She was about to apologize when she looked up to see Olivia. Without thinking, she threw her arms around her and cried into her shirt.

Olivia walked her over to a bench and when she sat down, Alex moved into her lap. "Sh-she doesn't r-remember a-anything a-about me!" she cried into her shirt, trembling.

Olivia held her tightly, rubbing her back. "Alzheimer's is a horrible disease, sweetie. It takes things people would never want to forget in a million years. I wish I could say it's going to be okay, but I can't this time."

Alex nodded, knowing Olivia was right, but never wanting to admit it. Her mother had looked so . . . frail in that chair. She never remembered making her look that way, not even when she told hr she'd failed her exams in law school because of lack of sleep. She'd never told her why – she'd never told anyone, but no child ever wanted to admit they were out – with a girl no less – that had lasted until early morning to their parents when they were supposed to be studying. She sighed, snuggling closer to Olivia, as close as she could get. "I miss her, Olivia. How an I miss her when she's still here?"

"You miss what she doesn't remember. It's certainly not fair, but I promise I'll help you through it. Through everything," Olivia said, hugging her tighter when she felt her head rest in the crook of her neck.

"I don't really know what I expected to accomplish by coming here," she admitted.

"You were expecting to find support. Comforting arms. A tender ear."

She nodded, "But she's gone," she said tearfully. "I can't fix this!"

"No she's not, not completely," Abby said, "Not yet, but sadly, she is getting there."

Alex looked up. "What do you mean?"

She sat beside them. "It's like I said, she has her good days and bad days. But, unfortunately, her bad days are increasing."

Olivia resituated Alex in her lap. "So how many good days does she have?"

Abby thought a moment. "It's usually hard to tell, but I could call you," she said looking to Alex. "Do you live together?"

"Well..." Olivia had to think. While they were away was one thing because a) people didn't know them and b) Alex had needed the protection. But would Alex be up to that arrangement now? The circumstances were so different. Truth be known, all she really wanted to do was get Alex out of there to make her feel better. "Yes," Olivia answered after five minutes, "she lives with me."

Alex nodded.

Abby smiled a small smile. "Why don't you go home and get some rest? I'm sure this was quite a shock after all this time," she said, standing. "I have to go make rounds now. I'll call you."

Again, Alex nodded, sliding off Olivia's lap to sit beside her, taking a shaky breath. "Did you really mean that, Liv? That I could live with you?"

Olivia rested her hand on Alex's leg. "Yeah, well, I mean...if you want to. Do you?"

She swallowed hard, tears still coursing, but smiled. "Can we still go at my pace?"

Olivia used her thumb to wipe the streams. "I wouldn't have it any other way. All of your things are at my place anyway. Though we may need to open a few windows because I'm sure, by now, dust has been layered on the sheets to keep the furniture clean."

Alex raised a brow in confusion.

"Like you, I wasn't expecting to stay there forever and I still wanted my place when I came back."

She nodded. "That makes sense."

"Do you still have your place?"

"Yes, but I brought everything with me, so the only thing there is furniture. All of which I have no particular attachment to."

Olivia stood. "Could you go for a coffee before we make the trek back to my place?"

Alex stood too."I'd love a cup," she said, slipping her hand into Olivia's as they walked toward the elevator.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: livsgirl, McJoJo, DaniiButNotBeck, Ockham's razor, Bkwrmchar, ladybugsmomma, peterpeter, tummer22 & Kikilia14

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	14. Seeking Solace

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 14: Seeking Solace**

Black and steaming, warm. To some point, Alex knew it would soothe her, having some normalcy like this now, but only her body, never her mind. Seeing her mother in that vulnerable state was something she couldn't let go of. She'd barely registered walking in here with Olivia, saying she'd find a table while Olivia grabbed the coffee. She sat in the back corner, staring at the wooden table, her mind whirling.

Why hadn't she called to check on her? Or even asked Olivia? That wouldn't have been hard to do. The reason why she hadn't – the real reason – was something she didn't want to think about. Physically, her body was recovering, but mentally and emotionally it was a whole other game.

And, even if she had, who's to say the all couldn't have been traced? He had talked about where her mother had lived. That was why she had left.

She flinched, trying to calm her nerves, when she heard the other chair scrape against the tiled floor as Olivia pulled the chair to one side of her and sat, handing her coffee to her. "Black right?"

She nodded, taking a sip, but still remaining silent. "Was it...was it because I was gone that it happened so quickly?" she whispered. "I should've called...wrote letters...something!"

Olivia sighed, laying a hand over hers on the table. "Sweetie, this was no one's fault. Slowly, over the years, it causes trouble with memory and motor skills. No one really knows what causes it."

She sighed, taking a long drink. "I believe you. It's just hard to picture. She was always my greatest strength, encouraged me whenever I felt like giving up."

Carefully, Olivia wrapped one arm around her. "It will be difficult. That's for sure, but she's still alive. You'll just need to try extra hard to get her to remember some days."

Alex leaned her head on her shoulder. "She said she remembered a girl named Alex, but she said she had no children of her own."

"There, see? You have an opening. Do you have any family photo albums you could use to jog her memory?"

She shook her head. "I don't, but the house has stacks of them. About a week before we left, she handed me the title to the house, li-like she knew…"

"Maybe you could go grab some to take over to show her sometime?"

She nodded. "After the trial. I have enough on my mind right now."

Olivia nodded in agreement as she finished her coffee. "Would you like to go back home now?"

Alex shook her head, taking another long sip, looking into her deep brown eyes. She looked so concerned and worried, but there was more there. It wasn't overpowering, but behind the mystery laid a soft, gentleness. She kissed her cheek, cherishing the soft, smooth, warm skin. She didn't feel uneasy, not now, but the reason eluded her.

Olivia smiled, stroking her cheek with a delicate touch, seeing trust in front of the terror she still – obviously and reasonably – felt from a day or so prior. She could tell Alex wanted, so much, to be able to let her guard down and trust her, but her mutilated mind and emotions put a fast stop to anything of the sort.

"..Olivia?" she asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"Can we go? I just want to go to bed. Sleep everything off."

Olivia nodded, standing up and extending her hand, which Alex took without hesitation.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia put the key in the lock and turned it. Walking in, the entire apartment smelled musty, so she walked over and opened the window in the living room. It took a moment before she realized Alex was still standing in the doorway. Turning around, she walked over. "You can come in. I don't bite," she said as she uncovered the couch.

Alex walked in hesitantly, leaning against the wall after closing the door. It felt strange to be back here and back for good. "Do you think I could have a shower?"

"Sit down for a second. I need to call the landlord to tell him I'm back here so he can turn the water, heat, and electricity back on."

She nodded, walking over and sitting on the couch while Olivia walked into the kitchen to make her calls.

Five minutes later, Olivia walked back out, sitting beside her. "Thirty minutes at the most."

"Okay. Hey, is it okay if I go lay down for a while?"

Olivia nodded. "I'll wake you in a few hours."

"Well, what are you going to do?"

"I think I might go see if Casey needs anything else for the trial."

"Oh," she said disheartened, "okay. Go ahead."

"Is...there something you want me to do instead?"

Alex shook her head, not wanting to admit that being alone, even here, scared her because this was where it all started.

Olivia took her hand and helped her up. She knew that Alex was still trying to overcome her attack and, that being so, she probably didn't want to be alone deep down, but she needed to go in and see if things were still okay as far as Alex's testimony was concerned. At least, that was the excuse Olivia had in her head. "Alex, i-if you don't want me to go..." she started as she walked her back to her bedroom.

"..Why do you have to go? Wouldn't she call you if she needed something?" Alex asked as Olivia uncovered the bed.

This was unexpected. Olivia had thought, for sure, that Alex's tough exterior would mask her pain and would insist that she leave. She bit her lip, then sighed. "Okay then. Do you have something you would like me to do?"

Alex shook her head. "Just please stay here."

"If you want to talk, I—"

"No, but…"

She sat on the bed next to her. "But what?"

Instead of answering with words, Alex maneuvered so her head rested in Olivia's lap as she took her hand.

Adjusting herself against the headboard, Olivia realized she needed more than physical comfort right now. She needed something to ease her mind. Sleep would only do so much. Gently, her other hand ran through Alex's long locks, eliciting in a sigh from the blonde. She smiled. "Just rest. I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think? Sorry, it's kinda short. I'll make up for it in the next chapter.

Review thanks to: McJoJo, peterpeter, DaniiButNotBeck, ladybugsmomma, DeLene, tummer22, Kikilia14 & Bkwrmchar

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	15. Her Weakened Soul

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 15: Her Weakened Soul**

Alex didn't have nightmares, like she thought she might. Instead, memories were drifting in and out.

_She must've been about 5. She was wearing a bright pink shirt with ripped blue jeans and white tennis shoes, her long blonde hair in pig tails. _

_It was the day before her birthday and her father had taken her to the park. He was supposed to be out of town the next day, so he was trying to make up for it before he left. They were the only ones on the grass and had set up a few goals. She'd seen some older kids playing succor and wanted to try it._

_"Okay," her father had told her, "try to get it past me as I try to block it."_

_She'd nodded, dropping it on the grass and kicking it, but he easily kicked it back. "Hey!" she'd pouted, "I had it! That's not fair!"_

_He'd smiled genuinely. "That's how the game is played, honey. You're supposed to stop the other team from scoring goals. Why don't you leave the ball there and go way back there and get a running start?"_

_She dropped it. "Okay!" she said, happily, running to the tree that was far way. "Is this far enough, Daddy?" she yelled._

Before anything else could be seen in the dream, it changed.

_The next thing she saw was his funeral a few years ago. She'd taken a week off to go, feeling bad that her work had kept her away for so long, but whenever she'd called about it, he'd always said he understood. Looking back now, she wished she would've kept those dates to go up to see him. It would've only been a two day trip, but she often worked weekends._

_He looked so frail lying in the casket, making her guilt weigh heavier because she hadn't been there when he'd been so ill. Since she was young, even though he'd been so busy, he'd always made time for her. It wasn't fair that she couldn't repay the favor._

_She'd stayed by him as the others had filtered in, glaring at her._

_"You and your mother were always important to him. Wasn't he important to you?" someone said as she'd taken a seat next to her grieving mother. "Hopefully you don't do the same to her."_

* * *

Alex woke with a start, sitting up in bed to wipe the tears away to notice Olivia was nowhere in sight. On the pillow next to her laid a note: "Alex, I've been called back in to go over old evidence concerning the case. I plan to be back no later than 7:30 tonight. I would suggest staying where you are, having that nice hot shower and going back to sleep, but come in if you want to. It'll just be me and Casey going over things. See you in a while, Olivia."

She got out of bed and walked to the bathroom to shower, loving how the hot water soothed her aching body. After some time, she stepped out, dried off and considered going to find Olivia. It did make her feel uneasy that she felt jealous of Casey. She really had no reason to be. She and Olivia weren't dating.

Deciding Olivia probably hadn't eaten, she dressed and went to get Chinese before contacting Olivia. "Where are you?" she text."I picked up some Chinese for dinner."

* * *

Olivia nodded. "Yes, that's right. So you do want me to testify?"

Casey nodded, smiling. "Good. That will make things a little less complicated. Oh, and I think you just got a text message."

She pulled out her phone. "Alex picked up Chinese and, apparently, wants to meet me. Are we finished here?"

Casey smiled. "Yes, but Olivia?"

She looked up from pulling her jacket on. "Hmm?"

Meanwhile, Alex had stopped outside the closed door.

"What would you say to going to dinner after the trial is over?"

She bit her lip. "Well, I don't know, Casey. I-I'm kind of involved and I hardly know you."

Casey nodded, walking over to sit on the edge of her desk, raising a brow. "Kind of? Doesn't sound definite."

She sighed. "I can't…"

"Already involved with someone?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"You don't mean that. You just don't know how she feels, not anymore."

"It's true. I'm...not exactly sure of her feelings, but after what's happened..."

Casey nodded. "So it's her. Hm, never would've thought you'd go for her."

Olivia stood abruptly. "Goodnight Counselor."

Casey sighed.

Alex sighed, still standing by the door as she walked out. "You didn't have to do that. You don't have to stay with me."

Olivia looked up in surprise. "Alex..."

She sighed again. "It's okay, Olivia. You don't have to feel like you have to love me. After all, I was...taken advantage of and-"

Olivia, wanting to squelch the fear, quickly wrapped her arms around her in a warm embrace. "I don't want her. I want you. It's always been you."

Tears started to spill down her cheeks. "B-but she's so perfect a-and beautiful and…"

"Alex, you're smart, beautiful, funny, sexy, witty, charming…what's there for me not to like about you? What happened to you was beyond your control. A horrible happening, but I-I still care about you. A lot," she wiped the tears from her eyes, "I always will."

"..Even if I...don't want anything, don't give you anything?"

"Sweetie, what you give me there's no price for it. I will wait as long as I have to."

"..And you still love me, even though I can't bring myself to say it to you?"

Olivia nodded, hugging her tighter. "Always."

"Can we go home now?"

She smiled, moving to stand beside her and offering her hand. She stomach growled and she looked down, a light blush coloring her cheeks.

Alex smiled a bit, accepting her hand as they walked to the elevator.

Alex was quiet for most of the ride home. She knew she shouldn't be jealous. Olivia had turned Casey down, but it hadn't been right away. She'd thought about it and that worried her. "Olivia?"

She looked over. "Yeah?"

"Why didn't you decline Casey's dinner invite right away?"

"Oh, you heard that?"

She nodded. "You didn't have to do that. You could've...gone out and had a nice time. It's not like a barged in to stop you. You're free to do what you want. It's not like we're committed to each other or anything…"

"We're not?" she asked with a raised brow.

"No. I mean, you saved me, risked your life for me, gave up everything you ever knew just to be with me..."

"And you don't count that as love?"

"It was...a work-related commitment."

Olivia stopped the car in front of the apartment building, gently taking her hand. "Alex, I meant what I told you a few minutes ago. I want you with me, not her."

"..And yet, you took your time answering her. Questioning me-"

"-I wasn't questioning you!"

Alex shook her head. "It really seems like a simple answer. She-she was open about it and...I'm not. I would rather hide. But I grew up that way. Anything except social norms was considered disobedient. And-and to this day..."

Olivia smiled at her a bit. "You're jealous."

"I am not!"

"Yes you are," she teased. "Why else would you bring it up?"

She pulled away, balling her fists. "Because I'm no good for you, Olivia! That's why! Y-you deserve someone who's open and honest," she sighed. "That can never be me."

Olivia sighed. "Give yourself time to accept and deal with what's happened. I'll wait for you."

"But what if I never can? You shouldn't spend the rest of your life waiting for me," she whispered. "It's not fair."

"But there's no one else like you and I do believe," she stroked her cheek, "someday we'll be okay."

"I wish I could."

Olivia drew a sharp breath, looking her in the eye. "Do you even want to be with me?"

Alex drew a shaky breath. "I-I want to feel better. I need your help! THAT IS WHAT I WANT!" she yelled before dissolving into tears.

Olivia wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. "Then that's what you'll get," she said simply. "My all."

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think? Sorry, it's kinda short. I'll make up for it in the next chapter.

Review thanks to: DaniiButNotBeck, Kikilia14, Bkwrmchar, ladybugsmomma & tummer22

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	16. Trial

**Author's Note: Because I didn't feel right writing both sides of this trial, it was co-written by livsgirl and myself.**

* * *

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever

**Chapter 16: Trial**

The remaining days until the trial nearly killed her. She couldn't stop thinking, remembering and it always had her on high alert. She was even skittish around Olivia, but Olivia – for the most part – expected that. It had been something that had shaken her to the very core, made her doubt everything in her life.

Except one thing.

The constant.

The one person who wouldn't go away no matter how much she screamed, cried or hit.

"Olivia?" she asked as she sank into a hot bath. "Olivia!"

"Coming!" she called, holding a bottle of wine and two glasses. "I still don't see how much good you think this is going to do tonight. The trial is at 9AM tomorrow morning," she replied, sitting on the floor beside her. "I won't let you drink until you pass out, not tonight."

Alex took one full glass, bringing it to her lips and smiling before taking a sip. "I'm not going to do that tonight. That's not my intention."

Olivia sat on the floor beside her. "Oh? Then what is your intention?"

"Do you really need to ask that?" she said with a raised brow. "I'm a nervous wreck about tomorrow," she said, taking another sip. "Never been on that side of the stand before."

"Really? No mock court in law school? For leaning purposes?"

She shook her head. "No, it was either strictly by the book or we watched actual trials. That was about as hands on as we got."

"Seems strange. I would think that would be required for practice."

She sighed, taking a long sip. "I don't think I've ever been more nervous before a trial. But, then again, I'm not prosecuting, so it's a whole different game this time."

Olivia set her glass on the floor beside her, resting her hand on the edge of the bathtub. "You're going to do great, Alex. Try not to worry so much."

Alex's crystalline eyes were somber as she looked into her deep browns. "I know, but what if I don't win?"

"You will," she said, her fingers wiping a tear away. "You will."

* * *

"Please state your name and occupation for the record," Casey said after Alex had taken the stand.

She cleared her throat, trying to sound confident. "Alexandra Cabot, Assistant District Attorney for the Special Victims Unit," she said, though she knew her voice was shaking, badly.

"How long have you been the ADA for Special Victims Unit?"

"Five years," she stated with a bit more confidence.

"Are you currently their ADA?"

"No, I'm not. I was on leave for close to three months."

"Please tell the court," Casey said turning to face Zapata, "why you were on leave for almost three months?"

She nodded, taking a breath and steeling her emotions. "At the time, I was prosecuting Rafael Zapata Gaviria on a rape charge when he threatened my life and the life of my mother. I was heavily advised to leave town until he was extradited so our lives would not be in danger."

"Did you leave town, Ms. Cabot?"

She nodded. "Yes I did."

"Can you tell the court where you went?"

"..Um..." she hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was applicable. "Wisconsin."

"While in Wisconsin, were you kidnapped?"

She took another deep breath, trying to will the images – and pain – away. "Yes."

"Alex, is your kidnapper in court today?"

"Yes, he's right over there," she said, pointing to Zapata.

"Your honor please let the record show that Alex Cabot is pointing at Mr. Rafael Zapata Gaviria, the defendant."

Judge Donnelly nodded. "Noted, please continue."

"Thank you your honor," Casey said before turning to face Alex. She knew this would be extremely difficult for her. "While the defendant held you hostage, were you sexually assaulted?"

"..Yes," Alex said, her boldness beginning to slip.

"Alex, I know this is difficult for you, but can you please tell the court what happened?"

"I went to bed that night, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. The next thing I knew I was cold, my wrists bound, and gagged. I looked down and saw my clothes were in shreds. Then, when I could finally see in the darkness, I saw the defendant with two other men. He-he said he remembered me. They beat, raped and sodomized me. First he would, then he'd pass me around. When they, began raping me, he wanted to hear me scream, but I..I wouldn't, so...so h-he sodomized me. I would pass out from the pain, only to be woken up moments later by a smack to the face," she said as tears ran down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry Alex. I know this is very difficult for you," Casey said resting a hand on Alex's hand. "Did, at any point, did the defendant or his men say anything to you?

She wiped her eyes with her opposite hand. "Only that they would be the men of my undoing without killing me."

"How long were you kept captive, raped, and tortured?"

"I don't know. There was no clock. But it felt like hours."

"Can you describe the building that they held you in for the court?"

"Um...dark, cold, not much light, like a basement. There was a bed in the corner of the room where they dropped me when they...were finished."

"There was no kitchen for you to receive food or water or no restroom for you to use either?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Did you fear for your life? Feel as if they were planning to kill you?"

"No, if they had wanted to, they could have. I believe their objective was to torture me, especially his. After all, he was upset enough to make a death threat."

"But you did feel as if your life was endangered?"

She nodded. "I knew I would never look at life or relationships the same way ever again."

"Do you?" Casey asked glancing back at Olivia before directing her attention back to Alex.

"Do I what?"

"Do you look at your life and relationships differently?"

She nodded. "Yes. I feel...like...no one will ever look at me the way they used to. It broke my confidence, my trust in others. It even makes me question my job."

"Thank you." Casey turned to face Donnelly. "I have no further questions at the moment."

Alex let out a breath, trying to prepare herself for the next line of questioning, knowing it would be harder than this. She shared a brief glance with Olivia, who smiled encouragingly for a moment.

"Good morning, Ms. Cabot," Langan said as he stood and walked toward her. "How are you today?"

She shrugged. "I've been better."

"I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you. I will try to make this as quick and as painless as possible," Langan said with a smile on his face that looked as evil as his client.

She sighed, not believing a word. "Don't try to butter me up," she snapped. "Just get on with it!"

"Very well, Ms. Cabot," Langan said. "The threat against your life has been validated. I'm not going to argue that. Since the threat was validated, you were offer the witness protection program by the US Marshalls, were you not?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"But you did not accept it?"

She shook her head, "No. I didn't see a reason to change my entire life, especially when, someday, I hoped to be back here prosecuting."

"I see," he said closing the gap between them. "Isn't the reason you didn't want to join Wit Sec was because of a Detective Olivia Benson?"

"Why do you assume that?"

"Ms. Cabot, I'm asking the questions here, not you. Now, isn't the reason you didn't leave because of Detective Benson?"

"Yes."

"Didn't Detective Benson go to Wisconsin with you?"

"Yes," she answered honesty, wishing she didn't have to reveal this part of their lives. "She offered to go for my protection."

"That's a lie, isn't it, Ms. Cabot? She didn't go for your protection. She went because you two were lovers. This wasn't a getaway for your protection. It was a lover's escape."

"No, no it wasn't!" she said, trying to contain her emotions. "We were not lovers!"

"Ms. Cabot, may I remind you that you took an oath to tell the truth when you took the stand? I will ask you again, isn't it true that the Wisconsin trip was a lover's getaway?"

She took a breath. "No, she was adamant about going for my protection. We did become close, but I would hardly call it a lover's getaway."

"Objection your honor!" Casey shouted, jumping to her feet. "The nature of Detectives Benson and Ms. Cabot's relationship is not on trial here. And the only reason he is accusing my client is because his bosses found out the truth about the trip."

"I agree," Donnelly answered. "Get to the point, Mr. Langan."

Alex sighed glad Casey was on her side.

"Isn't it true you lied about the kidnapping and torture by my client because, in fact, it was Detective Benson who attacked you and you are covering for her?"

"NO!" Olivia shouted. "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HER!"

"Detective Benson, sit down," Casey said jumping to her feet and facing her.

Olivia turned red, but sat back down. "Sorry," she said.

"There is my proof of her explosive temper," he said smirking at Casey before looking at Alex. "You have been on the receiving end of that temper several times, correct?"

She nodded. "Yes, most often upon saying more evidence is required for a warrant." He was trying her patience.

"Oh we all know about your fights about warrants Alex. They are legendary around here. I'm talking about when you got home at night and she would take the frustrations of that day and you not giving her the warrant she wanted out on you."

"No because, as I've already told you, Mr. Langan, we were not lovers."

"But we do agree that she has an explosive temper. I mean, look at her jacket and see the complaints filed against her."

"Are you trying to imply one of the units most helpful, experi—" she sighed. "Only under the right circumstances."

"So Detective Benson is violent and sometimes she is violent with you?"

"Objection!" Casey shouted. "Detective Benson is not the one on trial here and we all know that her job requires force sometimes!"

Donnelly nodded. "Agreed. Do not forget the reason for this trial again, Mr. Langan. One more assumption like this and you're question of Ms. Cabot will be terminated. Is that understood?"

"Yes your honor," Langan said upset that he was shut down. "Ms. Cabot, you stated that the room was like a basement, correct?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Am I correct in saying that there wasn't much lighting in the room?"

"Yes."

"Then, if there wasn't much lighting, how can you be so sure that it was my client? It could have been anybody."

"There was a dim lamp over my head. He stood right under it to make sure I saw him. He even said my name."

"If he stood right under the light, then your visibility would have been limited,' Trevor Langan said as he smiled at his client "Are you an expert in voice recognition, Ms. Cabot?"

She shook her head. "No, but if someone threatens you, haunts your dreams, it's not easy to forget his voice."

"Come on Alex, you've been in SVU for a while now. You should know better than anyone how stress affects your body, including all your senses."

She nodded. "Yes, I do. So what now? Is my Rape Kit thrown out because it was fake?" she seethed. "The bruises, scrapes, are they all fake too?"

"No, but who's to say they weren't caused by someone else?" He said suddenly feeling as if she was opposing counsel and not the victim.

"They weren't! I wouldn't lie - ever - under oath!"

"Even to save someone you love?"

In desperation to stop his rampage, she caught Casey's eyes. "Never."

"Your honor, Mr. Langan is trying to take the testimony and questioning toward Detective Benson again," Casey said as she stood.

"Mr. Langan, step down," she responded with a bang of her gavel, "your questioning is finished. Ms. Novak, are there any loose ends you would like to tie up with this witness?"

"No your honor there is not."

She nodded. "Very well. You may step down Alex. Ms. Novak, do you have any other witnesses you would like to present?"

"Yes your honor. I would like to call Detective Olivia Benson."

She nodded. "Approach, detective."

Olivia stood, handing Alex a small box of tissues before making her way to the stand and sitting down.

"Will you please state your rank, name, and division you work for?"

"Detective Olivia Benson of the Special Victims Unit."

"Can you give the court a brief description of what crimes you investigate?"

"They are mostly of a sexual nature, along with child abandonment, neglect and abuse. Spousal abuse and domestic disputes are investigated if there are complaints of sexual abuse."

"How long have you been a detective with this division?"

"Six years."

"How long has Ms. Cabot been your ADA?"

"Three years."

"Did ADA Cabot recently receive a threat against her life and her mother's life?"

"Yes."

"Was this threat validated?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell us who validated the threat?"

"Yes, that man, Rafael Zapata Gaviria," she said pointing to him.

"Did you put protection protocols in place once the threat was received?"

"Yes."

"What were those protocols?"

"We had no real idea of the initial threat, but a while ago a transmitter was found. A few days later, guards were stationed outside the apartment."

"So Ms. Cabot had bodyguards and you still felt as if Zapata could get to her?"

"I didn't know he was in the area. A distant relative, who's name eludes me at the moment, placed a transmitter in her jacket pocket. He had no outstanding crimes other than a few parking tickets, I was told they had never had contact, but they must have at one point."

"Is that when it was decided for her to leave the state?"

"Which state?"

"New York."

"No. The tracking happened after she had already been gone for a few months. She left because of the threats to hers and her mother's life."

"So Ms. Cabot decided to leave New York when the threats were placed against her and her mother and chose Wisconsin?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"How long were you in Wisconsin before you realized you were being tracked?"

"An hour. We'd gone out to eat after a rough day. The man who placed the transmitter offered us drinks, but we both declined. That's when I heard the feedback and escorted her away."

"How could you be so sure that it was feedback you were hearing?"

"When you've worked this job as long as I have, Ms. Novak, your ears are trained to pick up certain frequencies."

"After you realized that a transmitter was placed, what did you do?"

"I took it from her coat pocket and went to an abandoned lot before calling someone in New York to find out how to disable it."

"Who was it in New York that you called Detective?"

"I called Morales."

"He was able to walk you through over the phone on how to disable the device?"

She nodded again. "Yes."

"Was that when Detective Stabler and Captain Cragen flew to Wisconsin?"

"Yes, that next morning."

"What was their purpose for arriving in Wisconsin?"

"To help find out who put the transmitter in her pocket and why."

"What type of operation did you perform to find out who put the transmitter in her pocket and why?"

"I was very careful when I touched it and it was dusted for fingerprints.

"Anything else?"

"Such as?"

"Did you attempt to see where it was bought or manufactured?"

She nodded. "Yes, it was bought at an electronics store in Wisconsin."

"That was all you were able to discover from that device?"

"No. A man named Alan Jocabson's fingerprints were on the device. He's a distant relative of Mr. Zapata's."

"Did this Alan Jocabson have a criminal history of any sorts?"

"Nothing more than a few unpaid parking tickets."

"How did you link him to Zapata?"

"His fingerprints were run through a criminal database."

"How did that link him to Zapata?"

"He was found to be a distant relative, but upon dumping his bank accounts, financial records, his phone and e-mail, they'd apparently had no contact, but in order to know who Ms. Cabot is, how she is connected, they have had contact."

"Did you ever discover how contact was made?"

She nodded. "Yes, when Mr. Zapata escaped a prepaid cell phone was found in his cell. We traced where it was purchased to a store not far from the prison. Visitation records showed that Mr. Jacobson visited Mr. Zapata only once for twenty minutes, which is when the phone was presumably given to him."

"With this knowledge you decided to set up a sting operation?"

"Yes. I was working at the precinct there and the captain of the unit and I went."

"What happened during that operation?"

"We were rendered unconscious and kidnapped."

"Did you see who your attacker was?"

"No."

"Where were you kept when you were kidnapped?"

"An old auto factory."

"Who rescued you from the factory where you were being kept?"

"No one. We made it out ourselves. I remember seeing the apartment building, then I collapsed and the next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed."

"Who found you and called for help at the apartment building if you collapsed?"

"Detective Stabler."

"How long were you in the hospital?"

"A day. I had a bruised stomach, a couple broken ribs, a mild concussion and a sprained ankle."

"Was it while you were in the hospital that Alex Cabot was kidnapped?"

"No. It was after I was released. That night, Alex w-wasn't feeling well. I slept in the room. She was kidnapped that night."

"If you were in the room, how did you not hear anyone enter?"

"I was taking a painkiller for my ankle. It knocked me out. Otherwise, I never would have let her go," she said, catching Alex's eye quickly.

"When did you realize she was gone?"

"I felt a draft, then realized she wasn't asleep or crying hysterically beside me. She was gone."

"How did you know she didn't leave for the store or for a jog?"

"She was too distraught for anything of the sort. She was very upset that I was away for as long as I was. She was crying by my hospital beside when I awoke. She wanted me by her side, know I was safe."

"What confirmed your fears?"

"I knew something terrible had happened. I didn't know what then. After I woke, I woke Detective Stabler, who checked the apartment, and told me the bedroom window screen was slashed. I then called Captain Cragen, who somehow found where they were."

"You don't know how?"

"No, he rushed in, saying they'd found a lead and for us to follow them."

"Was it a valid lead?"

"Yes."

"When you found her what was the scene like?"

"Dark, damp, there was a bed in the corner of the room. She was...covered by a thin blanket, blood streaking her blonde hair, barely conscious."

"Who was in the room when you made entry?"

"Zapata as well as his two associates. Alex was in the back of the room."

"Was the arrest without incident?"

"Yes."

"Did Ms. Cabot receive immediate medical attention?"

"Yes. We came back to New York."

"What was the extent of Ms. Cabot's injuries?"

"Cuts, scrapes, bruises. At least the obvious ones. A disheveled appearance, guarded. Wiped out, terrified."

"Was she sexual assaulted?"

She nodded. "Yes, she consented to a rape kit which showed evidence of forced vaginal penetration, forced sodomy as well as oral sodomy. All three acts were performed by all three men." She visibly saw Alex flinch in her seat, covering her eyes and Olivia knew she was crying, so she tried to phrase the rest gently. "Three sets of DNA were taken from the three areas. All of them matched the assailants."

"Thank you. I have no further questions at the moment," Casey said glancing back to where Olivia's eyes was glued to and seeing Alex upset.

Alex looked down wiping her eyes, her hands shaking.

Judge Donnelly almost thought about a 15 minute recess, but this had to be done and the sooner the better. "Mr. Langan, your witness."

"Thank you your honor." Langan said as he stood and made his way to Olivia. "You chose to go to Wisconsin, Ms. Benson, not ordered to go?"

She nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"But you expect us to believe that you two weren't lovers when you left?"

"Objection your honor," Casey shouted jumping to her feet, "the nature of Detective Benson's and Ms. Cabot's relationship has no bearing on this case."

"Agreed," Judge Donnelly said. "Next question Mr. Langan."

"If you weren't in a relationship then why uproot your life for her?"

"She felt she needed protection, that Zapata was crafty enough to escape prison and somehow find her."

"And you were the person for the job? Why not any of the other detectives?"

"I wouldn't know. She didn't say anything about anyone else, but I volunteered to go with her. I thought if a male detective were to accompany here, it would look suspicious if she was found, which she was."

"So this was out of the goodness of your heart, no ulterior motive?"

"Yes."

"This was an attempt to have a romantic get away at the tax payer's expense?"

"No. I care about her well-being. She's a good friend."

"And you're in love with her?"

"Objection there is no relevance to the case."

"Mr. Langan, if you do not ask questions relevant only to this case, your questioning will, again, be terminated. Understood?"

"Your honor I am trying to prove that there was no need for Ms. Benson to accompany Ms. Cabot to Wisconsin. That she did so for selfish reasons that therefore put Ms. Cabot's life in danger."

"Counsel approach."

"Yes your honor" Langan said resigning defeat "This Prepaid cell phone that was supposedly found in my client's cell. How can you be so sure that is was bought by Mr. Jacobson much less given to him by Mr. Jacobson."

"Detective Benson stated some time ago that it was traced to a store outside of the prison. But, if you would care for a rephrase, I'm sure Detective Benson wouldn't mind repeating herself. Also, you are going into topics which are neither important to this trial nor appropriate. I do not believe Detective Benson would ever, knowingly, endanger Ms. Cabot's life, counselor. The fact that your client ended up in Wisconsin is more pertinent to this trial. And, what's more, I am certain the remaining of the Special Victim's squad will agree. Watch your step."

"Yes your honor," Langan said. "My apologies to the court. I have no further questions for Detective Benson at the moment."

She nodded. "Very well. Any more questions, Ms. Novak?"

"Not at the moment your honor," Casey answered as she stood.

"You may step down detective."

Olivia stepped down from the stand, taking a seat behind Alex as she placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, doing ok?"

'I just want to leave," Alex whispered as she nodded unable to look at Olivia.

Olivia squeezed her shoulder gently. "I know, but I think it's going well."

"Any more witnesses, Ms. Novak?" Judge Donnelly asked.

"No, your honor," Casey stated.

"For the defense?"

"No."

"Very well," Donnelly said as she stood. "We will take a twenty minute recess while I decide on the verdict."

Olivia stood, walking, her hand still on Alex's shoulder. "Do you want anything? A glass of water...anything?" she asked, trying to sound as unattached as she claimed, but it was very difficult.

"No I just want to get out of here and go home."

Olivia sat again, rubbing her shoulder. "It's going to be fine."

Alex nodded leaning into Olivia's touch. It unnerved her at how quickly Olivia's touch could calm her. She wished she could be the woman that Olivia needed and deserved, but she knew deep down she couldn't be.

"I promise," she whispered by her ear. "I'll help you through this."

A court officer stepped out into the hallway. Alex looked up from her spot on Olivia's shoulder. "The judge is ready with the verdict," he said holding the door open.

Olivia stood, her arm around Alex as they followed Casey back inside and took their previous spots.

"Mr. Zapata please remain standing," Donnelly said as she took her seat. "Is the defense ready to hear the verdict?"

"We are your honor,' Langan said with smirk on his face as if he thought his client would be let free.

"On the charge of Rape in the 1st degree, I find you guilty," Donnelly said as she began to read the charges. "On the charge of Aggravated Sodomy, I find you guilty. I find you guilty on three counts of kidnapping as well as three counts of False Imprisonment. On the charge of Aggravated Assault against a peace officer, I find you guilty on both accounts. On the charge of Aggravated Assault against a government official, I find you guilty. On the charge of Aggravated battery, I find you guilty. On the charges of Felony Obstruction of an Officer while performing their lawful duties, I find you guilty on all six counts. On the charge of possession of a weapon by a convicted felon, I find you guilty. On the charge of possession of a weapon while in the commission of a felony, I find guilty. On the charge of escape, I find you guilty. On the charge of Terroristic threats and acts, I find you guilty. Finally on the charge of battery, I find you guilty."

Alex sighed in relief, clutching Olivia's hand whih still rested on her shoulder. She stood. "Thank you."

"Sentencing will be one month from today at nine am. Until that time, the defendant is remanded into the custody of New York Department of Corrections, where he will be housed at a maximum security facility where he is to be on lockdown twenty three hours a day."

Alex nodded, sitting back down, though still trembling. She figured it was more from relief than anything. She looked at Casey. "Casey..."

"It's over Alex," Casey said turning to face her. "I'm going for the death penalty and with those charges I don't see why not. Why don't you two go home, take some time for yourselves and try to figure some things out?" Casey looked directly at Olivia with the last line.

She nodded, standing as Olivia walked to her side. "Just...thanks."**  
**

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: livsgirl, Bkwrmchar, DeLene, ladybugsmomma, McJoJo, Kikilia14, DaniiButNotBeck, SueV33 & Ockham's razor

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever**


	17. Family Secrets

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson

**Chapter 17: Family Secrets**

"Do you want something to eat?" Olivia asked after they'd left the courthouse. "It's close to lunchtime."

Alex shook her head. "No. I'm still too nervous to eat."

"Nervous?" she asked. "Why? The trial is over and Zapata was convicted on every count. So what's the matter?"

The ADA sighed. "Still shocked I guess. I just...I just don't know what to think. It's over, but I don't feel better."

"Yet," Olivia corrected. "It might take a few days. I still think something in your stomach will make you feel a little better."

"Probably, but I don't feel like going in anywhere. Like everyone in the city saw the trial and will think less of me. I know, it's stupid and illogical and I shouldn't be thinking this way, but I can't help it."

"Alex, no one thought it was your fault for what happened. Except maybe Trevor who sounded bent on exposing us as lovers and me as your abuser," she sighed. "God, that was a trip!"

Alex nodded. "I noticed. How do you think he even began to speculate that?"

She shrugged. "Don't know. Wish I did. I'd probably be inclined to beating him for even suggesting it…well back then."

"While I agree he needs to keep his nose out of our business, I think brutality is taking it a bit too far, Liv," Alex said with a small smile.

"Yeah, but part of me still wishes I could." She was silent for a few minutes. "Hey...you don't really believe I'll always see you as a victim and never love you, do you Alex?"

"Why shouldn't you?" Alex asked as she turned her head to look out the window.

Olivia sighed. "Alex, this doesn't make you less of a person. It doesn't have to define you. It doesn't define you. Sooner or later, you'll realize that."

"I…I know. It's still hard to believe you know? You fight all your life for what's right, help the victims and put away the bad guys. It's like…karma."

"Karma for what? Doing the right thing? What does the universe have to be angry with you about? You do a damn good job as a prosecutor, Alex."

"Thanks. With what's happened that makes me feel a million times better," she said with sarcasm.

"But it's true."

Alex nodded. "Yeah, somewhere inside I know it's still true. It's just hard to find anymore."

"Do you believe that I can help you get past this?"

"Yes, though I'm not sure why. I guess I...just trust you. Especially after all we've been through now."

Olivia sighed. "Do you want to go home?"

Alex looked at her nervously. "Actually, would it be okay if we stopped by my mother's house to collect those photo albums?"

The detective nodded. "I'll need directions," she said, squeezing her hand.

Alex smiled. "Okay."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Alex's key was in the lock of her mother's house and the door was opened as she stepped inside, gesturing for Olivia to follow. The detective had to admit she was impressed by how clean the house was. Dust was hardly settled on any of the porcelain figurines that rested on the TV stand. Everything seemed well kept. "Did your mother have a _slight_ ballerina obsession, Alex?" the detective asked as she followed her into the front room.

Alex turned from where she'd sat on the floor, pulling three photo albums from under the coffee table. "Would you like to sit a little bit before…" Alex couldn't finish the sentence. These photos were hope, not a guarantee that her mother would get better, but she had to try.

Olivia wrapped an arm around her. "Sure. We've got time. I guess I could learn more about you," she said, smiling gently, guiding her to the couch, sitting Alex down before sitting beside her.

Alex picked the first up, setting the other two on the coffee table in front of her. Opening it, she blew on it to remove the dust but mostly succeeded in causing the cloud to go into the air and cause them both to cough. She wiped the first page with her hand until the pictures were legible.

The first picture showed – what Olivia could only guess was – Alex's parents' wedding. The photo was black and white, but it was obvious by her other's long white gown and her father's black tuxedo. The minister was behind them as they smiled as it was taken.

"They eloped," Alex explain quietly. "Nobody in either family approved of them being together. My mother was – in her younger days, I was told – a rebellious one. She'd skip school, ditch church, thought family functions were boring…that sort of thing."

Olivia nodded, then asked quietly, "What about your father?"

The blonde turned the page. "He was honorably discharged after early deployment. He was in the Army and was shot in the right ankle. Nothing needed amputation, but it took a while before he was treated and by then it wasn't the prettiest thing to look at. I believe he went into law shortly after and met my mother at a coffee shop." She pointed to a portrait photo of a young man in army dress and medals.

"Was that after he came back?"

"Yes," Alex nodded. "They loved each other dearly, but the reason they eloped wasn't only from their families not getting along, if you know what I mean?"

Olivia nodded silently.

Alex sighed, looking back at her. "Liv?"

"Yes?"

The blonde moved her head onto the brunette's shoulder. "I was born two years after they met. They'd only been married for about four months. When the families found out, they were shocked. Most held a grudge for a while, but, as I got older, my dad's brother, Bill, started showing up randomly."

"Bill? The ADA?"

She nodded. "That's right."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Olivia asked. "You don't really share too much of your personal life."

Alex sighed. "No, I'm the only one. When I was younger I asked why I didn't have any. Mother said with father away on business so much and as hyperactive as I was, there just wasn't time."

"You? Hyperactive?" the detective mused. "That's hard to imagine."

"Yeah, it is now. College straightened me out, not to mention law school..." Alex trailed off. She hadn't been being completely honest with Olivia since before they went away, but she didn't think she would ever be probed into willingly giving out this information. "Liv. I haven't been completely honest with you. It's...sort of the reason I chose this...branch of law."

"Okay. What is it?"

Alex bit her lip. "I was in a relationship with someone from law school. We were dorm mates. Her name was Sara. She was tall with red hair and deep blue eyes. I didn't love her – not the way I love you..."

Olivia nodded. "Go on."

The blonde sighed. "But it's...it was such a long time ago."

"Yes, but you said it had something to do with you choosing to be our ADA, so I'd like to know."

"I didn't know she had a boyfriend...until he caught us one night. Apparently, they'd had dinner plans and she hadn't shown." The memory caused her to pull away. "H-he, uh, called us both derogatory names and dragged her away. I...I was too shocked and scared to do anything, Liv..."

Olivia wrapped an arm around her. "But you were younger and, like you said, you didn't know she was involved with someone else."

"..But she died!" she began, sobbing. "He-he said it was my fault f-for tainting her!"

"Alex…" Olivia whispered, rubbing her back. "It was her decision to be with you. It was no single person's fault."

The ADA shook her head. "No, y-you don't understand! H-he framed me for it!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think? Yes, the ending of this chapter is a little...iffy, but it'll work out.

Yes, as my profile says, this story will be finished on **March 16th**, after which I will no longer be writing Alex/Olivia fics. I figured I needed to finish this one.

Review thanks to: Melizzy511, Ockham's razor, peterpeter, McJoJo, SueV33, Bkwrmchar, Kikilia14, ladybugsmomma, Danii, tummer22 & DeLene

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Case-Benson**


	18. Explanations and Pasta

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson

**Chapter 18: Explanations and Pasta**

"Framed you?" Olivia asked. "How?"

Tearfully Alex began to tell the story of how, two days later, Sara was found with a knife in her arm as well as hung from the ceiling fan from the scarf Alex had given her for her birthday. "I-I was the one who found her, called it in. But relationships of that nature were highly frowned upon."

"So how did that point to you?"

Alex sighed. "The scarf had my DNA on it and I'd left a few...personal articles of clothing in her room."

"How did it play out?" the brunette asked, intrigued. "Obviously, you have your law degree."

"My father managed to work his magic and prove it never was my fault."

"That's a good thing though," Olivia sad.

"Yeah I guess, but the guilt kills me," the blonde admitted. "Can we go see her now?"

The detective nodded. "Sure.. if you don't want to tell me more..."

Alex smiled sadly. "Not now. Later."

* * *

Alex gripped Olivia's hand tightly, photo albums in the other – hope. "Abby?" she asked, stepping up to the Nurse's Station.

The nurse looked up. "Alex, Olivia," she said, walking over. "It's good to see you again."

Alex nodded, smiling warily. "Yes, it's good to see you too. Is my mother in the Sun Room again?"

Abby bit her lip. "No, she's in her room..."

"Why do I feel like there's supposed to be a 'but' at the end of your sentence?" Olivia asked. "Has something happened?"

Alex swallowed hard. She knew the look in Abby's eyes. Something horrible had happened. "Is she okay?"

Abby sighed. "Yes now, but she had a heart attack last night."

"AND YOU DIDN'T CALL ME?!" Alex raged. "ISN'T THAT A HOSPITAL RULE TO CALL THE NEXT OF KIN!"

Olivia wrapped an arm around her. "Alex..."

"No, Liv, no! How would you feel if it were your mother?!"

"I know, Alex, but maybe they had a good reason," Olivia said.

"Reason! What kind of reason could anyone ever give!? What's her room number?"

* * *

Ten minutes later, they stood outside the room. Abby took notice of the photo albums in Alex's arms. "You won't need those," she pointed out. "It's unlikely that she'll wake."

"..What?" Alex asked.

"The heart attack left her very weak and she's not responding to treatment very well," Abby said.

Alex swallowed hard, trying to hold herself together, but she was starting to shake. She knew Alzheimer's was a horrible deteriorating disease – and she knew this could happen, but for the life of her – she was hoping it would never happen.

Olivia held her tightly as they walked in and she pulled up two chairs beside the bed, sitting Alex in one, herself beside her.

Alex was barely aware of anything. Her vision was blurry from crying, though she didn't know when she started. Her mother looked even paler than when she'd seen her a day or so before. She wondered if it was possible for her mother to hear her. "I'd introduce you, but I don't know how much good it would do…"

The detective nodded. "I understand, but I'll still sit with you."

"But what good will it do, Liv? Nothing's happening."

"Well, does me being here make you feel better?" Olivia asked.

Alex wiped her eyes. "Y-yes," she whispered.

Olivia wrapped her arm around her, letting Alex rest her head on her shoulder. "Then that's what matters."

To Alex, it felt like they sat there for hours upon hours just watching her mother in a helpless state. It didn't help anyone they she was there. Alex had barely said two words. She'd never wished so much to be gone from a place, but she would stay. For her mother. "After my father passed away a few years ago, I put even more effort into everything I did in my cases," she whispered.

Olivia nodded. "You wanted to make him proud."

"Yes, but, because of that, the only reason I really saw my mother was to fill her pill boxes. I-I didn't have much of any time to just spend with her. The cases we work are so draining and long. Most nights, all I could do was to get home, have a bite to eat and fall into bed..."

"You're so successful, but, at the same time, it took it's toll on everything."

Alex nodded. "The funny thing was that she'd call me in the middle of the night and I'd show up for any little thing. Like once she couldn't reach a glass for some water or the food she wanted was too far back and she couldn't reach. Injuries, falling. She never dialed 9-1-1 before me. It doesn't feel like I did enough now."

"You did because you love her. How can that not be enough? Yes, this job its long and stressful, but somebody's got to do it."

The blonde managed a small smile. "Liv, I think I could use a little food now. Is that okay?"

Olivia nodded. "What would you like?"

"Um…Italian."

Olivia stood, offering her hand.

Standing shakily, Alex took it.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, the detective led her into a quiet little restaurant where they were seated at a table. Olivia pulled out Alex's chair before taking the one across from her. The waiter went to place two menus on the table, but Olivia handed hi one back. "One will suffice."

He nodded, walking away.

"One?" the blonde asked. "Liv...a date isn't exactly what I had in mind."

Olivia raised a brow. "Who said it was a date?"

"One plate for both of us...?"

"Oh," Olivia said, smiling. "Don't worry. One plate in this place is more than enough to feed two people. I didn't know how hungry you would be."

Alex nodded. "Okay, but is...set up for couples."

"Alex, I don't intend to make any type of move until you do. I just thought this atmosphere might relax you," she said, handing her the menu. "Now, pick out what you want."

"Umm... Ravioli looks good."

"With marinara or alfredo sauce?" Olivia asked.

"You can decide."

Olivia nodded, flagging their waiter and ordering. About thirty minutes later, both women were full, but Alex still seemed content to sit in the quiet atmosphere rather than return to the hospital. After the plates were taken away, Olivia rested her hands on the table.

Alex sighed.

"If you're that worried, we can go back." Olivia said.

But the blonde shook her head. "I do but I don't."

"Is there somewhere you'd like to—" Olivia's phone cut her off. "Benson."

Alex sighed. Olivia was probably being called in to work – right when she needed her support the most.

Olivia hung up five minutes later. "We need to go."

"You have to work?"

Olivia shook her head, going up and paying before escorting Alex out to her car. "No. That was the hospital..."

From Olivia's tone, it was easy enough to figure out what had happened. "..She's gone, isn't she?"

Olivia nodded, reaching over and hugging her tightly. "Yes sweetie. She went peacefully. Just never woke up."

Alex nodded, holding on to Olivia for dear life. That was one of the best ways to go, she had to admit. "I-I want to go home!" she cried heavily into her shirt.

Olivia nodded, still holding her close as they made their way home.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think? I know the explanation was kinda...well, skimpy, but I had other things to focus on. The chapter after this is the last, which will be posted in a moment.

Review thanks to: Peterpeter, tummer22, IBME, Bkwrmchar, DeLene, Kikilia14, MHbuttaz4ever & ladybugsmomma

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Case-Benson**


	19. All They Need

Runaways

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson

**Chapter 19: All They Need**

_One week later..._

All the arrangements for Alex's mother's funeral had been made the day after it had occurred. Even though it was difficult to do so soon, Olivia had helped, saying it was easiest to have it as soon as possible to start to heal.

Olivia had informed every one of what had happened and they said they would attend. The detective's paperwork wasn't quite in order yet for her to return to work, so she'd been home with her as much as possible.

Liz had told Alex to take another month off before thinking of coming back in to work. These happenings were never easy, nor was the attack Alex had sustained from the man she herself had tried.

Olivia was showered and dressed in a black shirt and jacket with slacks to match. Alex was still in her room dressing. Not that the detective had expected different. Everything in Alex's world was falling apart and, though she wanted to her, Olivia knew she needed a little time. It was only eight in the morning and the funeral wasn't until ten.

Alex sighed. She was in a black dress that went a little past her knees. She also wore a diamond necklace and earrings her mother had given her as a congratulatory present for graduating law school. Thinking back, it seemed so long ago. The students she was with were cut throat, wanting to make it by any means necessary, but her father had taught her how to see through all of their cheap ploys and tricks. Only a fraction of the students graduated and she'd been in the top ten. Not the highest, but it was impressive.

Olivia knocked on the bedroom door an hour later. "Alex?"

Alex, finishing up her makeup, walked over and opened it. "Yes?"

Olivia smiled softly. "You look beautiful," she said, handing her a hot coffee.

Alex smiled. "Thank you," she said, taking a long drink. "Do my eyes look okay?" she asked, worried the redness from being up late for nearly every night this week crying would show.

"Yes, you look perfect," the detective said, hugging her tightly.

Alex set her coffee on the vanity, hugging her tightly. "I don't know what I would do without, Olivia. This past week...I don't think I could've gotten through it without you."

Olivia nodded. "It's okay, you know. Someday it's going to be okay."

Alex nodded as well. "I know it will be. Hey Liv?"

"Yeah?"

Out of nowhere, Alex's lips landed on hers, kissing gently, but Olivia could've easily buckled from the passion as she kissed back, moaning lightly.

Alex smirked, pulling away. "Yes, I know everything will be all right now because I have you."

Olivia stood there, still stunned a bit, but soon she smiled. "You'll always have me."

**THE END**

* * *

**Author's Note:** So what do you think?

Review thanks to: Everyone who took the time to read and review! You guys are awesome!

Please read & review!

**Liv-x-Case-Benson**


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